Trick Tracts Review: "The Nervous Witch"

Synopsis: Chicksters wouldn't know a witch if she bit them on the nose.

Scene opens with Mom doing the unthinkable – driving and talking on the cell phone. As Mom puts lives in danger by not having her full concentration on the road, she tells her daughter that she has a surprise for her. As seems to be the theme in these comics, when a child or teenager is into something "bad" they tell their parents to "shut-up". My thought is that after they find Jesus they are no longer little brat-hellions. I don't buy that idea – I think their lousy parents are more to blame for their lack of respect rather than an absence of Jesus in their lives. Anyway, Mom tells Samantha that she's bringing Uncle Bob home with her. Samantha is not happy – Uncle Bob talks about Jesus and this scares her. Sam gets off the phone with Mom – and tells her friend that Uncle Bob is coming. The plot is now revealed when the girls begin to talk about witchcraft. Oh, so they're witches. Supposedly this is why Sam is scared of Uncle Bob and Jesus, right? Here's where the entire story gets laughable in it's complete ignorance of anything beyond their own ideals. Holly, the "evil" friend, claims she's going to put a "love spell" on Uncle Bob to "take him down". Let's straighten some things out here for the poor souls who read this bilge and actually swallow it. The Witches' Rede is – An that it harm none, do as thou will. In simpler terms, if these girls were really practicing witchcraft or trying to be "real" witches, they would never put a spell on someone to "take them down". This goes against the religion. Furthermore, I fail to see how a "love spell" is going to take anyone down. This whole clip is ludicrous and has no foundation in reality. It simply is untrue and gives a false picture of witches.

The girls then decide to go to Sam's room and "summon the spirits" to help with this evil "love" spell. Holly then states, "Witches Rule! God is dead and the churches are powerless. Old "Bible boy" won't stand a chance against our black arts!" This is probably the most asinine thing in the entire comic (and that's saying something). Again, let us clear up this blatant ignorance with actual facts, a smattering of reason, and a good dose of truth. A witch would never said "God is dead" – most witches don't believe in God. Even better, witches do not hurt, try to convert, or mess with the free will of another. Also, witches don't practice the "black arts" – that's a Christian misconception of the practice of witchcraft. Witchcraft is practiced in "light and love". True, there are probably some out there that dabble in the "darker" realms – but we're trying to straighten out the overall view of the "common" witch. If you only knew what you know about witches from this comic, you'd be way off – and if you tried to introduce these thoughts into an intelligent conversation on the subject, you'd look like an ignorant fool.

My next favorite part is when Uncle Bob tells Holly she must get rid of her "spirit guide". According to this comic, this is an evil spirit possessing your mind with the power of the devil. Correct me if I'm wrong. Towards the end of the comic, Uncle Bob actually exorcises this "spirit guide" from Samantha. Since a "spirit guide" can be a voice of reason, I can see why these people want you to not listen to it. In my studies, I've found a spirit guide to be your "higher self" or an enlightened spirit or angel that has been with you since birth to help guide you through life. How this can be seen as evil can only be attributed to the fact that most people who follow their "spirit guide" are not hard-core Christers like these people – and anyone that isn't as fanatical as them is seen as "evil". In Native American lore a "spirit guide" is a simple fact of their religion, and they have believed in them and worshipped with them for centuries.

The best part of the entire tract, however, has to be when Sam tells Uncle Bob that she got into witchcraft because of Harry Potter, and Uncle Bob informs her that "millions of children" are going to hell because of the Potter books. I've never read the Potter books, so I have no idea what kind of light they shed on witchcraft or even if it's a "realistic" one. But the fact of the matter remains – I fail to see how these charming little books are going to send children to hell. Does God have no empathy for the curious imagination and innocent wonder of a child? Is God going to condemn young children to hell for enjoying a book or becoming interested in what the book portrays? Children imitate cartoons and stories all of the time – is God going to send them to hell for this? I know their argument, believe me. Pretending and playing at witchcraft is "evil" and "of the Devil". You know, I'd like to see them prove it once instead of shouting unfounded rumors. There's no Devil in witchcraft to speak of, and this gentle, nature-based religion is far from anything "evil".

You can pretty much figure out the rest of the comic from here – these little works of fiction aren't known for their dynamic story-telling or dramatic plots (though some would claim they are). They are rather simplistic and childish; and more than slightly ignorant. Sam gets saved by her Uncle Bob, Holly leaves with her "evil" spirit guides and Uncle Bob tells her to be "blessed".

As the grand finale – big surprise – it's the exact same one in near every comic – Sam falls to her knees and takes Jesus into her life. Glory Hallejuah! Another convert is "saved" and hundreds of people are now misled by false ideas and misinformation.

Read the actual Chick Tract: The Nervous Witch

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