I bash sucky celebs everyday:

Think most stars today suck? So do we.

Star Suck

Fan Suck


These people also suck:

Aaron Carter

Ashlee Simpson

Britney Spears

Hilary Duff

Lindsay Lohan


Before you flip shit:





Why She Disgusts Me Sux


Paris is everything that is wrong with "stardom" today. She's a talentless rich kid whose only claims to "fame" are partying, fucking, and starring in a reality show - which makes her only about as notable and skillful as any idiot who makes an ass of themselves for 2 minutes of fame on a reality TV show.

She's a household name despite the fact that she has no discernible talent, is considerably unattractive, and isn't even particularly bright. In fact she's been known to be snotty, spoiled, and stupid yet her face keeps appearing in magazines and she continues to garner "fans".

You fall just short of admiring Paris for becoming so famous with nothing to work with until you realize that the egocentric bitch believes its her due. She's yet another generic "star" that people love for absolutely nothing. Fuck the media, screw Paris Hilton. That is why this page exists.



On my celeb-bashing blog, Star Suck, I talked about how awful and wrong it would be if Paris Hilton were chosen to play Mother Theresa. I ended my rant by saying: We must do all we can to stop this from happening.

It was then that I heard a voice from above that said, "You left the stove on."

I thanked my boyfriend, and went to the turn the stove off. It was then that another voice - that sort of sounded like James Earl Jones - said to me, "It is you who must do something to stop this horror from taking place." I chalked this up to the voice of god, or the five shots of Vodka I’d just thrown back.

Either way, I’d seen the light - and I knew what had to be done.

Please visit - link - sign - spread the word:

Paris Hilton is No Mother Theresa (aka parisnomothertheresa.com) which explains the reasons behind the No To Paris Hilton As Mother Theresa Petition.

The previous are a site & petition brought to you by yours truly, the voice of James Earl Jones, and my legion of one-legged, hunchbacked, hair-lipped gnomes with psoriasis.


Paris's Inability to Do Anything Constructive Career

Paris Can Talk on the Phone First Paris became famous...for nothing. She then decided she needed a career - of course she wouldn't try to choose something that even resembles a "real" job. First it was modeling, then acting; she wants to be a model/actress. Of course she does because she can't do anything else. What is she going to be put on a resume? "I can dress myself and smile pretty for the cameras?" As miSs of The Bastardly so eloquently says in Why I Love to Hate Paris, "How does someone so untalented, so gross, so YUCK! become so famous?" I know, miSs, the mind boggles.

She now claims she is going to put out her own pop album - since it's been proven that you don't need an ounce of talent to be a pop star these days. She's tried her hand at putting out clothes, make-up and the like. She's tried doing any number of things because there is no one thing that she does well or has any know-how about.

Unless you count fucking. Methinks there's a stellar career for Paris in the porn industry and with the hit of her first porno sex video, she's already got her foot in the door.


Paris's Narcissism Attitude

Paris Thinks Shes Hot

It's amazing that you can love yourself so much when you aren't worth anything and can't do squat. I've read that Paris's favorite movie is "Zoolander", because she's in it. She's well-known for cutting in front of long bathroom lines only to oggle herself in the mirror.

She also threw five, yes count them, five parties for herself when she hit her 21st birthday. The parties were in New York, Las Vegas, London, Hollywood, and Tokyo. I don't think there's a better definition out there of self-importance.

Paris likes to brag that she doesn't have a boob job and is against tattooing her body. Funny that she acts so high and mighty about such body modifications when the brown-eyed heiress is renowned for perpetually sporting blue contacts.

I also read that she gives her friends her own products (Paris perfume, etc.) for their birthdays. I mean, wow.


Paris's How To Be Wealthy & Worthless Manual Book

Paris Pretends to Be An Author

Since she's done nothing one wonders what she'd have to write about. The fact is, when you love yourself as much as Paris does you write about yourself. If you enjoy hearing someone prattle on about themselves and what they do and how they do it, then you might like this book. If not, I've heard it makes for a lovely roaring fire.

How To Be an Heiress should be titled How To Be Like Me Because I Think I Am So Wonderful You All Must Want to Be Me. The book is a hodgepodge of personal beauty secrets, favorite places to shop, and tips on being a rich, spoilt socialite; because everyone needs to know what to do at a high society soiree. Paris's book is marketable to about 2% of the population and is a bigger waste of paper than Ashlee Simpson's contract.

"How To Be an Heiress"? I mean who comes up with this shit? It doesn't even make any sense. You're an heiress if you're born into a wealthy family and are an heir to something. You don't "become" one by dressing in swanky clothes and sporting a namebrand handbag.

And furthermore, do you actually believe Paris wrote this? Do you seriously think she took time from her social activities to pen an entire book? And even if she did, do you think she could spew out anything that's actually worthy of being published? She's not even cultured enough to speak like an intellectual much less write like one.


Paris's Pomposity Trademark

Paris Stinks

Talk about being narcissistic: Paris is so self-important that she seems to have an obsession with trademarking. First she filed to trademark her own logo (a tiara with a "P" in it - how pompous can you get?). Then her father filed to trademark her name for use on her products. From the article:

The logo application, which cost $325 to file, looks to put the logo on audio and visual recordings, eyewear, prepaid calling cards, kitchen utensils, mugs, key chains, soaps, body oils and other goods.

Calling cards? Kitchen utensils?? If you ever see me having a bowl of soup and using a spoon with Paris Hilton's logo on it, kill me. Paris is so desperate to make a name for herself in some type of career that she's going to plaster her name all a bunch of crap and sell it; Paris products. I mean what is she, ACME?

And it gets better. Paris has even trademarked the phrase "That's hot" that she overuses on her reality TV show, The Simple Life. That's genius right there, folks. Everyone wants to be remembered as quoting something great - Paris wants to be remembered for saying "That's hot" like a 13 year-old. "That's hot"? You want to be remembered for repetitively talking like an immature kid? Nike has "Just Do It", Wheaties has "The breakfast of champions", Pringles has "Once you pop you can't stop" and Paris has "That's hot." I think I'm going to trademark "That's stupid" to use when I make fun of all these sucky stars.


Paris's Dubious Desirability Sex Appeal

Paris Is Fugly

Scouring the Internet will turn up a number of people who agree that Paris is anything but attractive, and unbelievably far from sexy.

Jon Armstrong of Blurbomat, in his Whore archives, compares Miss Hilton to (fittingly, I might add) a slice of cheese. Actually the skintone of the two is remarkably similar.

A poster known as TB4000 has this to say about Paris's sex appeal on the Yellowworld Forums:

"I do NOT get the deal with this chick, man. Aside from being the heir to the hotel chain(as if that wasn't enough, I know), what else has she got going for her? All of a sudden, she's like the new flavor of the month, and if I got all hard over wealthy, heroin chic looking blonde snobs, she might do something for me."

Touche, TB4000.

Personally, I think she looks permanently stoned; why won't her eyes open wider than that? Is that a birth defect or something? And her skin, oh my god. Skin is not supposed to be that color; it's not. She looks like a doped-up skinny piece of burnt bacon.


Paris's Irrational Hostility Rap Sheet

Paris Glasses Scare Me

When Paris "stole" her sex video from a West Hollywood newsstand it was stated her reasoning was that her "young fans" would see the tawdry tape and poster advertising it.

"Look at what the [expletive deleted] they're doing to me here. Don't you know my young fans come here all the time?" she is quoted as saying.

The newsstand owner says Paris "was using profanity to the ultimate" before she threw some change at him (for another purchase) and stalked off with said tape.

What one has to wonder is this: If Paris is so worried about her young, impressionable fans, who she claims "come here all the time", then why is she screaming out profanities like a coked-up whore in the middle of the street? One must also wonder what message Paris thinks she's giving to these young, impressionable fans when she doesn't seem to own a piece of clothing that doesn't expose a body part?


Paris's Bunch of Bullshit Public Avoidance

Paris Loves the Camera

Now that she's "in love" and planning to get hitched, Paris claims that she's going to settle down and give up the public limelight.

Yeah right.

This girl is obsessed with publicity and being in front of the cameras. She's written a book about her life, she's appeared on a reality TV show and she has trademarked her name (among other things). This is not the kind of person that can exist quietly and happy in the background.

The chances of Paris fading quietly from the public image are about as likely as the sun not rising tomorrow. Paris loves seeing her name and face plastered all over TV, magazines and the big screen as much as any egomaniac. It won't take long for the "lack of publicity" to gnaw at her and soon you'll be seeing new books, TV shows, magazine ads and interviews all about Paris, the Publicity Whore.


From the Mouths of Morons Paris Speaks

Paris on Being Nice:

"A true heiress is never mean to anyone - except a girl who steals your boyfriend."
- Paris Hilton

Paris Is a Moron And except to those you cut in front of in long bathroom lines apparently.








Paris on Motherhood

"My mum had me when she was 19, so I really want to be a young mum."
- Paris Hilton

Paris Looks Pregnant

Wow. I can't think of a better reason to take on the responsibility of motherhood, can you?

And "mum"? Since when did Paris pick up a British accent? It that supposed to be cute?






Paris on The British:

"All British people have plain names, and that works pretty well over there."
- Paris Hilton

Paris Wishing She Had BoobsHer genius astounds even me.









Paris on Wal-Mart:

"Do they like, make walls there?"
- Paris Hilton

Paris is an Idiot

I understand she's too rich to have ever had to step foot in a Wal-Mart but is she really so sheltered she's never even heard of it? I mean, what a frickin' moron.

Paris, get a clue.







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