A Story Behind Every Marker

April 3rd, 2007

Stumbling upon the markers of two family members this past weekend was a fruitful and exciting find. Yet it also brings to bear my "story behind every marker" concept.

The graves of James Doherty and Victoria Deauville Doherty sit still and unassuming in this small town cemetery that sees few visitors. They are simple markers; nothing about them would occasion more than a mere passing glance.

Yet they, like each headstone we walk by, has a story to tell.

Not even knowing Jim and Vic, as they were known in life, you can ascertain a few things about them and their lives from simply taking a moment to take in their final resting place.

Their tombstones sit beside one another, and their birth years are very close; Victoria has a maiden name etched into her headstone. It's a fair assumption, then, to allege these two were husband and wife. "Father" and "Mother" are also carved into the gray stone, so one can surmise that they had at least one child.

Both have been dead for over thirty years, and the bouquet of flowers between their graves is faded and bedraggled with age. It is likely, then, that their graves have not been visited for some time.

As you can see, even without knowing the truth about the person whose grave you are standing above, a few moments of simple reflection can offer much information.

In fact, our assumptions about the Dohertys would have been spot on. Jim and Vic were, indeed, a married couple who raised four children together. Most of those children are now in their 70s or have died; there were few grandchildren. It has likely been a very long time since these graves were visited and the flowers we see here were left.

Sometimes a name or a set of names will pique your curiosity for a seemingly unknown reason. You take down the names and dates you see before you, and set out on a quest to find out who and what these people were about while they were still alive. This was the case with myself and The Brandon Children.

Research into the Dohertys might have returned little helpful information or a lot. It may have connected you to a living family member eager to talk about their beloved deceased family or you may have come up with nothing and the grave remained a mystery.

In this way, regardless of the eventual outcome however, someone was remembered; either by facts found about them or by the imaginings in someone's mind of who they might have been. This is especially poignant for very old graves that have not likely not been visited, nor their occupants considered, in many long years.

There is a story behind the names and dates carved in stone before you - whether it be factual events of the person's former life, or the fictional invention your mind concocted as you contemplated the grave. For the creative dreamer, a cemetery can be the ultimate muse.

Speaking of stories, let us get back to our original protagonists. Here is a story about Jim and Vic Doherty: They began their life together as star-crossed lovers. Victoria's stepfather, who had raised her, did not approve of the young Doherty boy and refused to let her marry him. In defiance - and obviously in love - Jim and Vic ran off together.

Victoria's stepfather found them living in a tent on the side of the levee near Shreveport, Louisiana. He brought them home and the wedding was arranged. It's likely by that time Vic was pregnant. For whatever reason, the marriage was allowed to take place, and Jim and Vic lived a long, happy life together.

These were people who lived and breathed - who lived lives and still have stories to tell. Stop by a grave next time you find yourself in a cemetery and take a few moments to see what it's telling you. You might just uncover, or create, an amazing story.

The Joy of Unexpected Finds

April 2nd, 2007

My mother and I went on an impromptu graving trip this weekend, and ended up in Rosedale Cemetery to snap a grave photo of a childhood friend of hers who passed in 1983. It was to be a quick in and out ordeal - take the photo and head home.

But once we were out of the car, we developed - as my Mom termed it - "grave diarrhea" (which, I realize, could be taken a few different ways), and stayed in the cemetery for nearly an hour. We were late for dinner out with family, but it ended up being quite worth the frowns we endured for our tardiness.

Two graves, side by side, happened to catch my eye as I walked by them. I stopped for a better look and, to my utter delight, saw before me the graves of two family members I'd had no idea were buried here. Not only that, they were two I'd been searching for in my genealogy research!

The surprise finds are often the best.

After Death, And Its Relation to Graving

March 31st, 2007

Sometimes this blog will delve into, what I call, "After Death" practices, and the things that may happen to a body on it's way to the grave. Having an interest in graving usually means an interest in all things grave-related, including what happens to our bodies after death - at least, this is so for me. For this reason, I seek to cover all aspects of graving, cemeteries, death, and after-death care in this blog.

Why would someone want to know what happens to a body after death? For some it's morbid curiosity, for others its a way to face the fear of dying. The unknown is often much more frightening than the known; even if the known is substantially disturbing. It may be disconcerting to hear and see what happens to us after we take our last breath, but it is often less daunting than the images the mind may conjure up for lack of true knowledge. I'd rather be knowledgeable about a subject, even one I'd rather not know about, than to let my imagination run wild on what could happen.

As much as we try to ignore Death, or push anything related to it under the rug, it is an inevitable fact that each and every one of us will experience it at some point in our lives. Some day, maybe sooner or maybe later, our lives will come to an end. Our individual trip around the Sun will cease, at least for this lifetime, and we will leave our bodies.

Knowing about after-death care and procedures may not be something you are comfortable with, but it is something you should think about. It is something you should decide upon while you are still living - no matter your age - to help your grieving family members at the time of your death. Knowing what you want done and how you want it done will be one less thing your family will have to worry about at the time of your passing. If not for yourself, for your family, at least, you should be knowledgeable about what choices you have for the care of your body after death.

Beyond that, it is a personal choice. Some people would rather not know what becomes of their earthly shells once they are interred; others would quite like to know. This blog will address such issues - about after-death care and choices of interment or cremation, and what the pros and cons are of each. Such posts will be found in the After Death category.

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