"Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well."
- Vincent van Gogh

Love of Self

Love of Laughter

Love of Geekdom

Love of Revenge

Love of the Internet

spam recycled

Everything listed below are actual subject lines I or friends have gotten in their email. My comments in regular text.

Order is oldest first; scroll down for newest. Last update was July 15, 2009 .

The Best Spam Subject Lines

dogfart skanks live! 8376
I've gotten lots of these "dogfart skanks" ones - what IS a "dogfart skank"? Can someone enlighten me?

make it so big she'll bleed!
I'm sure that you'll get lots of women that way - we love being ripped open.

open this to see me get drilled
I think it's wonderful how you mail out videos of yourself getting fucked to random strangers. Your mother must be so proud.

correspond with attreactive Russian women
...that can't spell.

make your dick drag on the floor!
It may not do much else, but won't your friends be jealous?

RE: Your sister is in this adult flick!
That's sure going to make me click right away! Who thinks these things up?

my summer at the farm...i got pics!
Somehow I don't think these are your average, down-on-the-farm, family photos

juicy assholes
One word: Gross!

read everyone's FBI file right now!
How many hapless idiots do you think fell for this one? Probably not as many as fell for: Hypnotize Women Into Bed

nasty dogfart sluts taking it hard!
There's that word again

young snobby chicks getting hammered!
Is this some strange fetish I don't know about? Seeing "snobby" girls getting screwed??

celebrity gangbang and youre invited!
I guess this could be a good thing depending on WHAT celebrities are involved.

what do women say behind your back?
And opening this email is going to miraculously list all the things all women have ever whispered behind your back in all your years of living! Now that is amazing.

drag your new huge cock on the ground
That somehow seems painful

Where did you go? I'm all naked for you! from YummyNicole0000
Where I'd go? Where in the hell did you come from?

free farm girls
As opposed to those expensive ones you have to buy at Wal-Mart. This one came from someone named BIGGER_PENIS

if you don't open this, your dumb
Even dumber than the person who doesn't know the correct usage of the words "your" and "you're"?

Super Blue Stuff Pain Relief - On Sale Today!
For some reason, I think I'd be better off in pain.

rip her apart with a monster prick!
Roar, baby.

Buy Drugs Here
And who isn't going to open that email?

i'm naked nude and live for free!
Naked and nude? What are the chances??

Earnest's nude pics! OMG!
OMG - the idea of someone named Earnest in the buff scares me; what about you?

Touch my hole
Um, no - ugh

watch me ripped apart on my webcam!
For the murder enthusiast

Russian Women Won't Take You For Granted
So order one for your home today

Mike, here’s my Viagra guy
Take me to your dealer.

hi :) I need it in the ass
Now there's a greeting

dick slurping young ones
Young what? Aliens? Hippopotamus? Amoebas?

Lezbos go for the pussy licking award
Isn't that right after Miss America?

Fw: Average Whroes Gushing Loads
What's an average 'whroe'? What's a 'whroe', period, for that matter?

FW: The Hettsot Mommy Cheating
What in the hell is a 'Hettsot Mommy'?

Real Woman ready to cheat
...and so desperate she has to find a partner to do so with online. Sounds like a winner.

I am moving tomorrow
You are?! Oh - I'll miss you SO MUCH! Wait - who in the hell are you?

yes.. .I am still a virgin
And yes, I still don't care.

Fw: Incoennt Psortitute Rimming
Also included - the most atrocious spelling you'll ever witness!

Reply: Awmseoe Fucking Caroton Wrehos
Notice they spelled 'fucking' right.

Re: Hot Hi Roeslution Dlownoadable Movies
I am convinced that they're hiring 6 year-olds from impoverished countries to type this shit out.

Do My Mom!
No, you pervert.

FW: Mature Moms wants a date
They're so much better than those immature Moms.

Christian Singles with Christian Principles
Because it's totally Christian to look for sex on singles' sites.

Re: Hot Woman Poohts
Am I correct in assuming that this email is offering me hot farts?

RE: Fersh Fucking Flash Animation
I don't know about you, but 'fersh' animation is the best.

annnnnall girrrlss datttttinnnnngg siitttee
Who knew stuttering was evident in typing?

My Friend's Mom Fucked On This...
That's just great - thanks for sharing.

submarine fetishists beyond
I didn't realize there was a huge culture of submarine fetishists out there, did you?

parking lot philosophers
How does one become one of these exactly?

Make $334
Not $100, not $1,000, not $217.56 - but exactly $334

bro - enhance your security
Like, totally, bro'. This security shit is da bomb - some p-h-a-t ass shit, ya hear me?

improve your brother's life
Why not your mother's? Or your hairdresser's? Maybe even your mechanic's sister-in-law's? Or your own?

wahts for my brihtday?
"Spelling for Dummies"?

All I want is… heterosexual acetone
What happened to the simple days when all people wanted was their two front teeth?

I have this feet problem
And this is supposed to make me want to open this email?

Poke her from the next room
With a super-massive-long-FINGER!

Soft at incredibly low prices
Great because soft is getting entirely too expensive these days.

Hi there bro - feel the power! ?
Yeah, the power of my Delete button.

Was it you abet barnyard
No, sorry, must've been the other Abet Barnyard that lives down the street.

WOW My Dick IS Huge
Good for you.

Your aunt needs this
How'd you know? She's been looking for 'this' for YEARS now!

Get younger looking skyn today
Younger looking what?

Why aren't you Par Wilkie?
Well, fuck, why aren't you Brad Pitt? We could be having a lot more fun right now if you were.

Fire hydrant 8 fetishes
And I thought I was the only one with a fetish for fire hydrants.

We owe you $824425
Are you sure about that amount? I could've sworn it was $825324.

Increase your Dick weight
Because everyone knows its size weight that matters.

Fat girls luv your cock
Which is amazing considering I don't have one. Won't those fat girls be disappointed when they hear this!

Now that I am a blatant Chisholm
I wanna be a blatant Chisholm! Where do I sign up?

Tons of fat videos!
Sounds like the video collection I've been wishing for.

I fianally lost my cherry
And the spelling bee!

Respectable fedora hat
Because heaven forbid you walk out of the house in one of those *unrespectable* ones!

2 hrs/day can = $20,113/month
And I bet you've got a big, golden-ish bridge to sell me, too, right?

Crhis said he is pissed at you
Well tell Crhis he can kiss my ass.

I think you're meant to sprinkle salt on it... :)
I can't even imagine where they were going with this.

My sister is still a virgin.
How do you know & why do I care?

2 dicks in her butt
Because two is better than one.

Self Inflicted Financial Wounds
I do it to myself every time.

only you can prevent lard on your arse
After getting sick of fire prevention, Smokey moved on to the prevention of Ass Lard.

cloud formation 925 taxidermists
Sounds like a dream I once had.

Claim your Free Barbeque
Pit? Meal? Sauce?

Re: Hot Teen Ejnoying Huge Dick
Um, isn't that illegal?

d0 you want your penis to be hard all the time?
I'm not sure I really see the advantages of this.

Let us match you with a REAL person!
Drat, I was really looking to be paired up with a Sasquatch or an alien.

I love getting filled with sperm
Next time please just say 'I like to get fucked'.

Stupid Amateur Tenes Ejaculation video
Nothing quite turns me on like 'stupid' people.

Christian Debt Network – Saving families from debt.
But only Christian ones. The rest of you heathens can burn in hell with your debt.

Jesus Wants You to Save.
He loves you that much. This came from Christain Mortgage USA.

Be careful of downloading music files
But be sure to open this unsolicited and possibly virus-ridden email.

Passion should last forever
This came from "New Blue Pill". Passion in pill form - I personally prefer to take it in liquid.

FW: Stupid Amateur Girl Aweomse Fisting
Because no one can fist like stupid amateurs.

Looking for Quality Christian Singles?
Too bad you won't find them here.

Reply: Wet Bitch Ejaculation video
Wet dogs - fun.

Cute Girl Just Turned 18! , Gorgeous College Cuties! , and Beautiful Petite Brunette!
How come they're never ugly or plain? Something like "Girl You'd Fuck Only if You Were Drunk" or "Just Passable Red-Head".

If you love her you'll look
Nothing says I love you like opening spam emails.

Re: Dripping 40 to 60 moms Fuck Like Crazy
Are these numbers indicative of their age or the number of moms involved? Inquiring minds want to know.

man arrested for fondling a squirell
Even more amazing than that subject line was that this was for some mortgage company!

Women just can't resist Men
who believe spam email titles.

You can be smart!
But you negate that the second you open this email.

even if you suck at paying your bills, we can get you a mortgage
I definitely want to deal with a company that uses the word "suck" in its advertising, don't you?

Dripping Lady In Need for C0Ck!
Sounds to me like she's in need of a towel.

Snuggle up with Elvis Tonight
I don't jive with that necrophilia stuff.

I had a Orgy with two girls last night
Darling, that's called a ménage à trois, not an orgy.

Innocent wemon double anal
Doesn't sound like a very "innocent" wemon to me.

RE: Young Whreos nice pussy
Those mean pussies always turn me off, too.

Young sluts getting creamy facials for $1.95
Wow, that's a great deal on facials! Do they offer this at Lockworks?

Rachel Leigh Cook already has a rolex! Need one?
You bet your bottom dollar. If Rachel Leigh Cook has one it's only a matter of time before it's all the rage; she being such trendsetter and all.

She Gives Great Handjobs!
A blowjob is extra, but she's not quite as good at those.

Fw: Loevly Wohre lvoe to eat out internal creampies
Internal creampies? No, honey, that isn't my dick, it's an external cream-injector.

Wet Bitch Enjoying Big Dick
Or "Dogs in Heat"

RE: Cute Slut Creampie
I used to have the recipe for this.

Remove your debt the Christian way
Just pray - it'll go away!

Reply: Horny Wrheos stuffing pussy in panties
Well what the hell else would they be stuffing in there?

She Likes It In Both Holes!
Consequently she has the cleanest nostrils this side of Texas.

Reply: Amateur 30 to 40 girls Cheating on spouse
What's this guy doing married to 30-40 women anyway?

Roses are red, violets are blue - Now how about $10,000 - just for you?
Roses can be pink and violets too - now just how gullible do I look to you?

Christian? Single? We have the solution.
Become a Satanist - they get all the dates.

Re: Unkown wrhoe Paid twenty bucks
Why would I want to watch some woman getting handed a $20?

RE: Stupid Psortitute spreading pussy lips
And venereal disease.

Can we do this together?
No way. Then you'll expect me to hold your hand through everything.

My wife screamed in ecstasy when she made love to my big penis
What is it? Detachable?

do you hate physical pain
Oh no, I'm a big fan, really.

Vico-din is yummy!
Ok, you know that's not candy, right?

eggplant toothpicks inside
I've been looking for some of those forever! Though I do prefer the asparagus flavored ones.

Kirby asked me to call you
And boy is he gonna be pissed when he finds out you just sent an email.

barrel-organ was worth something!
Yeah, but then the stocks on it just dropped...

My Horny Wife!
Coming to a theatre near you.

RE: Petrty woman to date with you
She fuck long time. Sucky, sucky too.

She Squirts!
Wtf is she? A Super Soaker?

my mother emailed you!
I told you not to give that bitch my address.

Re: I need to look for a real man
Looking in the wrong place here, sweetheart.

The Amish phonebook
I wasn't aware they even had phones.

Eddie said hi!
Tell Eddie to fuck off.

can you assist your daughter
Can I? Shouldn't I have one first?

RE: Real Bitch Sucking Big Cock
I want to read one that says something like 'True Intellectual Humming Shriveled Nuts'

Rolex is forever. Are you for it?
Don't you mean "diamonds"?

you are the hypochondriac-amigo
You caught me! And I would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling spam emails.

Date me?
Now that's just pathetic.

can Theresa come over and watch?
I mean, yeah, if she's into "Ed, Edd & Eddie" she can watch it with us.

This is that email you wanted
It took you long enough and I had to wade through all these other junk emails just to get to it.

Me and you with no husband
So we're getting joint divorces? I'm no good at guessing these things.

Wanna see me get rammed?
Nah, I'm not into that car accident shit.

get bigger in ur pants
Buy our new big, bulky wallet for only $9.95!!

Two things are sure in life: There is a God, and you are not him.
You're right, I'm a "her".

the cracks of my
...favorite china?

Excellent Rx and Splendid Rx and Splendiferous Rx
Three different subject lines - I just can't choose.

Do you want to make it bigger?
Sure, this small thumb has bothered me for years.

Reply: Sexy Slut big dick video
A sexy slut...with a big dick. I think I'll pass, thanks.

Reply: Real Granny hrnoy
I would've entitled this one "Lecherous Old Ladies with Liver Spots".

Tasty Butt Babes!
Tastes just like chicken.

RE: Incoennt Amateur Slut ermxete pussy clsoeups
I thought the whole point of being a "slut" is that you're anything but an "amateur".

Fw: Mature 30 to 40 girls dating stranergs
Is this supposed to be exciting? What is it, a video showing a bunch of blind dates?

Shy MILF wet pussy
Who writes this shit? Timid co-ed, cotton mouth. Hyper-active infant, excessive drool.

FW: Cute Neighbour Girl fist tsemeehlvs
'Cause anyone who "fists themselves" is real "cute".

Reply: Brand New First Timer Fucekd so hard
Brand new "first timer"? Brand new? Does that mean you send it back if the seal is broken?

FW: Sexy Housewires Impsosible Action
Housewires, eh? You know nothing is hotter than watching my electrical plugs get it on with my surge protectors.

do you like M.I.L.F's?
Marginally Illiterate Lesbian French-poodles? Sure, as long as they don't pee on the rug.

Fathers day - Pill specials
Because nothing says "I love you, Dad" like a bottle of illegal narcotics.

Single? Christian?
Let us match you With a Nazi Atheist named Bob.

My Naughty Mom!
Whoa, dude, keep that shit to yourself.

We have a Razor for you!
I can honestly say that's the first time in my life anyone has ever said those words to me.

I Love My Doctor!
Umm...good for you?

Let ThirtyPlusSingles help you find your mate.
30+ singles? If they can't find their own damn mates, how are they going to help me?

Watch Me Take My Clothes Off!
I'd rather watch paint dry, truth be told.

Girls Luv Big Black Dix!
I'm pretty sure it has little to do with the color and everything to do with the size.

Busty Teen Beauty!
Busty? Let's just say what we mean - big-tittied, big-assed bitch for you.

Teens Being Naughty!
This is really pretty vague. What are they doing? Not cleaning their room? Not doing their homework?

Reply: Cute Girls squirting milk
Squirting milk?! Wtf are they, COWS??!

enjoy ur sex life a lot more... opening unsolicited email. It works!

Reply: Stupid Neighbor Teen ass-to-mouth and more
I'm afraid to think what "more" might mean.

RE: Guys Want a Bigger Dong? Ladies Want Bigger Boobs?
Bigger is better!

Im so afraid and alone. This is the real BS!!.swampybess
There's medication for that, swampy. No BS.

Single Christians wanted
For target practice.

Successful people awaken each day...
So do unsuccessful people - that's kind of how it works for the living.

Meet serious Christian Singles, just like you
You don't know me!

DON'T wait another day..,, We dont have to worry he'll be gone until tomorrow ...
I'm not worried, trust me.

A flying saucer was low on fuel, so it landed by a gas station on a lonely count...
Oh wait. I get it. You want me to open the email to see the rest of the story. What if I don't give a fuck?

Refinance the Right Way Christian Family Loans
You must do 12 Our Fathers and 3 Hail Mary's to get this loan.

Some people reach the top of the ladder of success only to find it is leaning ag...
...only to find that mass solicitation via spam is illegal. Too bad for you.

Never argue with an idiot. They'll pull you down to their level and then beat yo...
I just love receiving life lessons in my spam box.

Saaxy women in your area - Meaat now!
That's good news. A saaxy woman is hard to find.

He left me here all alone again, we'll I'm not taking it anymore. What have u got...
A delete button. Fuck off.

FW: Awful Cowgirls Fucked in mouth by wild dicks
My uncle owns a ranch where he lets dicks run wild.

Some people grumble because roses have thorns.
And others grumble when they get stupid spam in their inbox.

Shy Girl Fucked so hard by nature wilerds
Okay, I give up. What is a "wilerd"?

Re: Stranegr Porstitutes Elpxoited
I prefer to see normal prostitutes being exploited, personally.

Fw: Bizzare Lady Getting their hloes pumped by animals
One lady. Many holes. Various animals. News at 11.

Re: Bizzare Woman Fucked in mouth by wild dicks
In our country, we call this, simply, a "blow job".

Fw: Real Lady in dirty action
Is this that video of a woman scrubbing the mildew out of her tub again?

Re: Stupid Werhos Gushing Movies
Gushing ...movies? Well, maybe they could get a job at Blockbuster.

Fw: Hrony Porstitute wants to meet you
More like she wants to meet my wallet. Tell her I'm broke.

RE: Young Nxet Door Girls don't know they fucked
How could you not know?

Fw: Wild Mmos waiting for you
Tell them to hold their breath while they wait.

Stranegr Sluts Exlpoited
What is a "stranger" slut? Stranger than what??

Bizzare Prostitutes fucked in all hleos
What's so bizarre about it? Isn't that their job?

Stupid Neighbor Girl squirt milk out of their pussies
That sounds so appealing I think I'll open this email right now.

A spam-free inbox.

FW: Loevly Teenager nasty pussy
The sweet with the sour, apparently.

Re: Unkownn Acrestess naked
Unknown actress = some no-name whore off the street

Reply: Real Mommy wants to meet you
Yeah, I bet the Real Daddy won't be too thrilled about that.

100% Ethical and legal
You know, except for that whole solicitation thing.

Painted Bitch fucekd by metonsr
Apparently cartoon-sex spam is the hot, new thing.

How can I pay you? eox
Just stop emailing me; it'll suffice.

Feel Good All The Time
Whatever it is that can do this, I have a feeling isn't legal.

Postcards. A great way to get noticed.
Noticed? Since when do postcards get you "noticed"?

Restaurant careers start here
That explains a lot.

It's stylish, it's compact and it's on us
Quick, get it off!

imagine 1hr long sex
Okay, now what?

Find Your Soulmate In 7 Days!
That's false advertising; the liklihood of the person you find being your "soulmate" is none to nil.

Refinance with Christian
What if I'm not?

Shipped Right To You
Where well in the hell else would you send it?

Pope John Paul II commemorative Medal
Got this on 4/15/05 - it didn't take long, did it?

Not a problem.

Hate rush hour traffic?
Oh no, I love it. It's simply the best part of my day.

New & Unique Concept for Stress Reduction, Migrain Relief, & Facial Toning
One thing does all 3 of those for you? That's really...weird.

Fw: Stupid Amateur Girl cream cveoring their asess
Stupid girls with cream on them. Goes well with a nice white wine.

hey... are you still single?
I haven't been single since 2001, moron.

Toe rings let you walk in style.
Unless you wear shoes that cover your toes; then there's no point.

Residual income that can easily grow exponentially in time
Whoa, had to pull out the dictionary for that one, didn't you?

Viagra that last all weekend
And gives you a heart attack first thing Monday morning.

Glow sticks let you be the life of the party.
Spam mail for ravers.

How often does a deal like this fall on your lap?
About 70+ times a day by looking at my spam inbox.

Do you prefer Plain or Peanut M&M's?
I prefer M&M's WITHOUT SPAM.

FW: Average Neigbhour Girl ass-to-mouth and mroe
If she can put her mouth on her ass, I'd say she's not so "average".

read this if you need mlm leads
Doesn't everyone need mlm leads?

This calculator will amortize your home payments over the loan period
Does anyone else know what "amortize" means?

Here is a Complimentary* Bible for You
Warning, you have to sign up for years of junk emails to get this Bible - clicking on this email will also launch a nasty virus into your computer. The Lord be with you and your hard drive.

Ever consider a sales career w/ Altoids?
Only every day of my life! How'd you know?!

Pictures that the Drugstore Wouldn't Develop
Really, you should think about getting a digital camera; then you wouldn't have to worry about stuff like that anymore.

Yo, ,I would love it if you came to see me.
Yo, I would love it if you'd quit sending me stupid fucking spam like this.

Hey, ,have not workedin a while
Then get off your lazy ass and get a job. offers the lowest Refinance Rates
Remember. How Would Jesus Refinance?

Popular soft - 75% OFF
Really, the only way to buy soft is to buy namebrand.

Shanna, Get a Refrigerator with a built in LCD TV
Because everyone needs a place to store their perishables that also plays re-runs of "Leave it to Beaver".

Clean your pets with PetVac pets? Why can't I fathom this being possible?

Your friend has entered you into our tell a friend link. (L4L7PIM5RGP)
Which is why that person is no longer my friend.

Refinace with lenders you can trust, Christian Family Loans
Christian or not, I really don't trust anyone that uses spam as their main mode of advertising.

Shanna, Be the first to have the Fridge with a built in TV!
I honestly hope that I'm the last to own that particular waste of space.

Here are d great girls - look them f uck cam
Dey is d girls u luv - look them.

Type up to 150 words per minute hands-free!
Guess it wouldn't really be "typing" then would it?

Why seek? Choose any love pi11 you want!
Your quest is over - all the love pi11's you could ever wish for are here.

Shanna, Find christian singles who share your devotion
Folks who "share my devotion" aren't called "Christian".

SEX DRIVE & VIGOR, we can restore them easily.
It's amazing what spam can do for you these days.

She wants a better sex? All you need's here!
She's in the market for a new pussy?

Complimentary Year Supply of Cheerios
Wow, it's like the greatest complimentary year-long supply that I never wanted ever.

Bizzare Women sucking 14 inch dcks
I'd say the "bizarre" ones here are the guys with the 14" dicks, no?

Any med for your girl to be happy!
The place that men who are dating junkies shop.

Addicted to Growth Stocks?
I am - know where I can find a support group?

Sick Lady Fucked so hard by nature wilders
Because people with colds are so hot.

Inside: a grant that Shanna might never have to repay
"Might" being the catch-word.

Christian singles. A match made in heaven.
Unless you have pre-marital sex. Then you're going to hell.

FW: Young Natural Babies Chick getting fileld with thick, gooey, creamy cum
I'm not really comfortable with cum being described with the same words one refers to a candy bar.

Are you paying too much too much for auto insurance?
Isn't everyone?

Dripping Granny Impossible Action
You see, she drools and has a broken hip which severly limits physical activities. You've got to learn how to read into these things.

Disgusting Perverts getting filled by wild cum
Oh wow, disgusting perverts; who wouldn't want to see that?

you mayybe need it
Maybe not.

This is Sarah girl.,....octagonal
Good thing you specified that. I thought you were the triangle-shaped Sarah.

three is never a crowd
Unless the third guy eats his boogers; then he needs to leave.

Hottie jerks a drop of cum out of this big johnny
One drop? Sounds like he needs some testosterone.

Make good money with panda research
You know, when I think of get-rich-quick schemes, panda research just isn't one that comes to mind.

Can you think big?
You know, sadly, I've been afflicted with small thoughts since childhood.

Get Healthy Naturally
Sure, if you consider "natural" popping a few over-the-counter speed and diet pills.

Fw: HI Real men never cry
Is that a fact?

Appliances Starting at $17.99
Yes, I want a stove that will last all of two weeks.

Want sexier lips in 90 seconds?
What they fail to tell you is that 90 minutes later, your lips fall off.

Get Ms. Pac-man in your living room
Honestly, that would be a tad freaky.

Wow check out this huge enlargement patch sale!
Is that supposed to be a pun?

Take a shot at winning college tuition
How exactly does one "win" college tuition?

A Perfect Stock In An Imperfect World?
A perfectly stupid spam subject line in an imperfect spam box.

Drug rehab will get you clean.
And when you're done with that, order your drugs online from us!

Join Your Friends at ChristianMingle
Trust me, no friends of mine are hanging out "ChristianMingle".

Recover your 'lost' data now!
First try checking your Recycle Bin.

Three Simple Money Making Tips
I've got one - get a job.

That's exactly what I was about to say.

Find serious and mature singles over thirty
By "serious and mature singles over thirty", you mean overweight virgins who live with their mothers and have just been dumped by their l33t Wood Elf girlfriend in Everquest?

Looking for a lawyer?
Yes, but not in my spam email box.

fit so galvanize

fall do liver
Isn't this a movie about gay cowboys?

All The Magazines You'll Ever Need
Who really "needs" magazines?

Its NEVER too late to get that degree
It can be. What if you're 101 and on your deathbed? Or even 34 and a vegetable from a head injury? You NEVER know.

Complimentary Hanes T-Shirts
Oh, wow, thank you. I don't know what to say...really.

Little st.cks Sizzle Sometimes cloudlessly end optometrical
Yes, that's what my mother always told me.

Want to meet Christian Singles over 30?
How about Christian spouses under 17?

You are what you believe.
Sometimes I believe I'm a 2' tall purple-skinned hobgoblin with a rash.

Play arcade games and get prizes
Yeah, I can do that at Chucky Cheese's.

Yeah, the gun never seems to satisfy them. Know what else I should be using?

The Beest Lubeeeee For Your Johnsooon
Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel.

Kung Hei Fat Choy!!

Eliminate local and long distance phone bills
Yes, it's called getting a cell phone.

Tired of people laughing at your small tool.
I know, I know, I need a bigger drill.

Paula caught making out with Simon What will we do?

So hard its like a steel rod.
Just in case you want to crush ice with it rather than have sex.

Shoot all over her face
Like I said, there's a pill for everything these days.

Turn the worm in your pants into a python
Or just stop carrying insects and reptiles in your clothes.

Put her cherry on fire.
No. I'm not quite sure what it means either.

FW: Is your skills about to expired?
Why, yes they is.

Using spam for the children of god; how sweet.

Say Hi! to your new huge pole
Well, hello there!

Get the longest banana
I'd much rather get the roundest apple if it's all the same to you.






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