Don't Be An Ass
I invite others to share their opinions with me; especially if they are in conflict with my own. Differing opinions are at the heart of every great dissertation. I welcome differing opinions when those opinions are articulated in a mature, literate manner. I have had wonderful conversations with sophisticated individuals who emailed me and disagreed with these pages, or what I had to say. A back and forth discussion of these opposing viewpoints was conducted with no mud-slinging or derogatory insults. There is nothing wrong with agreeing to disagree.

However, when an imbecile "attacks" me for my opinions, that is another matter. If your only retort against what I have to say is to call me names and throw silly accusations at me, you will end up in the Jackass Hall of Fame. "Opinions are like assholes.." they say, and I like to add "..but you don't have to act like one if someone disagrees with yours".

The truth of the matter is, most that throw grade school derision my way do so in my guestbooks and leave no contact information. If you're going to rant and rave then stand behind your own words. If you don't have the conviction to stand by what you say then don't say it.

The two types of people listed above (usually its a combination of both) are what I term "jackasses"; let me introduce you to a few of them now...

This page last updated on 21 December, 2005

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I Disagree With You, So You're a Nazi

This genius left a cowardly anonymous and impossibly farcical entry in the Hilary Duff Sux Fan Mail Repository. It's a hoot, and he's a jackass.

Jackass Rant:

Name: Richard
Home Page: my ass
Date: Wed Apr 13 1:43:02 2005
Referred By: no one
Lemme tell you something bitch, your opinion sucks, its people like you that were inlisted in the nazi army, the same kinda hate and bitterness. I can't believe you took the time to make this. You are just mad because shes a decent celeb not like these whores who dress in skank. Your a bitch, and your website lacks; seems you have no skill in desgining either.

My Response:

Darling Richard,

What a shame that you can't express your opinion without resorting to petty name-calling and infantile insults. The "nazi army"? So everyone that disagrees with your viewpoints is a "nazi"? What are you, 12?

Since you obviously didn't take the time to read my disclaimer, you can almost be forgiven for jumping to silly and incorrect assumptions about me. I have no hate or bitterness towards Hilary Duff; I am simply stating my opinion on her as a celebrity. I have little respect for her - I never said I hated her.

I can't believe you took the time to post this entry - why would I be "mad" at Hilary Duff? I don't like her public image, and that's as far as my thoughts on her go. It's my website and I have every right to publish my opinions on it; whether you think they "suck" is not relevant. If it bothers you so much, make your own website.

I'm not surprised that you were too chickenshit to leave a valid email address. You can say my opinions suck all you want, but at least *I* have the conviction to stand by my words and claim them as my own. I don't hide by anonymity on a guestbook like you; if you really feel that strongly about it, email me or provide some kind of contact information. Be a man and stand behind your words.

Luckily for me, your childish retort speaks volumes more about your immaturity than I ever could.

Capital Letters Must Die!

This girl hates capital letters more than I hate Ashlee Simpson's voice. She didn't even know to capitalize her own name. She left a grammatically-atrocious entry in the Ashlee Simpson Sux Fan Mail for us all to laugh at. Wasn't that nice of her?

Jackass Rant:

Name: amanda
Home Page:
Date: Fri May 27 15:55:13 2005
Referred By:
hm. seems like you hate alot of people. and how do you know if someones a poser. what just cause she sing pop rock. so who gives a shit. she dresses it. and listens to it. shes got a good edgy voice. and speaking of lip synching. take a look at britney spears who lip synchs at all of her concerts. ashlee did it maybe twice. get over it. shes wicked.

My Response:

Misguided amanda,

hm. What an embarassing little entry you left in your wake. If I were you I'd be very ashamed that anyone I know would see this. Someday, when you grow up and (hopefully) garner some halfway-decent grammar skills, writings like this will make you wish you'd never owned a computer in your tween years.

You are also, apparently, very good at math. I have a page where I talk about my disdain for six individuals, and you calculated that out to mean I must "hate a lot of people". Oh yes, six is a lot. Actually, amanda, had you taken the time to actually read most of my site (though this might have been difficult - I capitalize the appropriate words and I see how this could be confusing for you), you would have seen that I stated I do not "hate" the celebrities I bash. I do not wish them ill-will, premature baldness, or fever blisters. I simply have little to no respect for them; hate is such a strong word. I dislike them, yes. Hate them? Hardly. How can I hate someone I've never met? They don't cause me any harm - other than having to deal with their immature and illiterate fans who feel personally affronted when I insult their tween-idols.

Yes, Britney Spears lip-synchs. Your point? She's on my pages, too. And, truly, if you think frog-throated Ashlee has only ever lip-synched twice, well, I've got a nice, big golden-ish bridge I'd like to sell you.

amanda, I call Ashlee a poser because she pretends to be something she is not. Let me help you out here. A "poser" is defined as "a person who habitually pretends to be something he is not". She calls herself "punk" and she sings "pop"; the two, last time I checked, are far from being similar. I wouldn't call her a poser for singing pop-rock if she admitted to singing pop-rock, rather than pretending to be some badass punk-rocker which, we all know, she is not.

Frankly, I'm just going to end this now because anyone that rounds up their argument with "she's wicked" is far too mentally advanced for me to be knocking heads with. Your parents must be very proud.

I'm Too Illiterate to Bash You Properly

This apparent grade-schooler left a guestbook entry in the Ashlee Simpson Sux Fan Mail that would make any English teacher cringe. Don't these people realize when they write bilge like this they are *asking* to be reamed?

Jackass Rant:

Name: Parker Ferguson
Home Page:
Date: Fri Jun 10 3:07:13 2005
Referred By:
All you do in this is bitch about how much you hate her and selectivly pick things out. I'm not saying she's the greatest singer but any person can make a fucking mistake, especially on T.V. I listen to metal like Rammstein and old Mettalica, rock like Rob Zombie and Slip Knot, and others like ACDC and Guns 'n Roses, but if I had the chance, I'd still date her and more. Quite being so bichy and more objective and just maybe, I think about listening to what you hve to say.

My Response:

Dearest Parker,

Does your Mommy know that you're playing on the computer? Someone might get put to bed without supper tonight!

Perhaps all that Mettalica Metallica, Slip Knot Slipknot, & ACDC AC/DC you're listening to is making you bichy bitchy (ever heard of Spellcheck?). I'm not the one jumping on other peoples' websites and mucking up their guestbooks with my sorry-excuse for grammar and immature opinions.

What does your point that you'd "date her and more" have to do with the price of shit in Shanghai? This is the crux of your argument? I should "be more objective" about Ashlee Simpson because Parker Ferguson would like to "date her and more"? This argument says nothing for or against the points I brought up about my personal dislike (which I am allowed to have, by the way) for Ashlee Simpson, rather only points to your highly dubious choice in women. Did you have a point to this senseless babble?

Futhermore, I could give a rat's putrid arse whether or not you listen to what I say. There's a "Back" button, a "Close" button, & a myriad of other such buttons on your browser window that I'm sure work just dandy for taking you elsewhere. If you don't like what I have to say, then leave. I don't put my opinions down for your, or anyone's, approval.

Hil's Best Friend

A child yelled at me in the Hilary Duff Sux Fan Mail Repository! I may never recover. Try not to laugh at her too much - she's obviously just a kid. No, I take it back, laugh your ass off. I was more coherent than this in the 4th-fucking grade.

Jackass Rant:

Name: Lindsey
Home Page:
Date: Fri Jul 08 16:04:21 2005
Referred By:

My Response:

Lindsey Dearie,

Why do you waste the springs on your "Shift" keys typing in ALL CAPS?

I suppose I'm "wasting my time" bad mouthing Hilary Duff for the same reasons you are wasting yours bad mouthing me and my opinions. I'm online and I feel like it. Deal with it, kiddo; the world is not always a nice place.

It's very possible that you get into a record book with the longest, most rambling run-on sentence in the history of the world; that's quite an accomplishment. Have you ever heard of a "period" (.) , or perhaps the method of "proof-reading"? "Spellchecker"? All foreign to you, eh? I figured as much.

Then we need a little English lesson, Lindsey. "Your" and "you're" are two different words, and cannot be substituted for the other. Obviously you have never heard of the word "you're", as in "you are"? Try looking these two up, ok? Next, and this really isn't English but, human beings only have one "butt", I'm sorry. The word "butt", when referring to a person's derriere, should not be pluralized. And last but not least, if you're going to call someone a derogatory word it might be a good idea to use a word that is, oh, I don't know, real?! "Frad"? What in the fuck is a "frad"?

Actually "dissing" Hilary Duff does not make me feel better about myself. I probably shouldn't waste my time knocking down another person, but I was bored and, in truth, pissing you little kiddies off is entirely too fun. Why all of you take it as a personal insult that I, whom you don't even know, do not like your favorite celebrity is beyond me.

Take you, for example. You have some serious issues - acting as if Hilary is your best friend and it's up to you, and you only, to defend her honor. As if no one in the world is allowed to not like her or say negative things about her. I find it incredibly ironic that you keep calling her "Hil" as if you know her personally and then go on to tell me I'm stupid and childish. Right on, there, Lindsey. Brilliant.

You Know What REALLY Sucks? Stupid People

Guess what? According to this little twit in the Ashlee Simpson Sux Fan Mail Repository, I suck. Who knew? The most amazing thing? Apparently, because I made a page, that I rarely update, about Ashlee over six months ago - I secretly love her. There's some logic there, eh?

Jackass Rant:

Name: you suck
Home Page:
Date: Tue Aug 09 13:52:05 2005
Referred By:
Dude, I think you suck, and maybe if you had a life, then you'd wouldnt have all this time to obsess about her. I think you secretly love her.

My Response:


I am actually getting quite sick of you immature, ignorant fucks coming onto my page and making comments without taking a second more of your time to actually read my site. Had you taken the time, you would have seen that:

  1. I'm female, and therefore not a "dude", and

  2. the last update to the Ashlee Simpson page was in June - it's mid-August.

How you can misconstrue this to mean I must "secretly love her" is beyond all logical reason. To say something so stupid, I must assume you are either very young or very ignorant - most likely both.

"All this time" - considering I originally created the page almost six months ago (in less than one hour) and recently added some crap to it (a link when I finished the Lindsey Lohan page), I hardly think that means I'm obsessed with Ashlee Simpson. The point is, I spent little to no time making these pages. In fact, it was probably less time than you spent coming up with this absurd guestbook entry you left. Really - is that all you could come up with?

Listen up, kiddie, there's a whole big world out there and I'm willing to bet that the vast majority of it isn't going to be into the same things you are, nor like the same things you do. More often than not these people will have opinions that they will voice - whether you like it or not. I can guarantee you it does not mean they "secretly love" what you like nor are they "obsessed" with it as you obviously are. Seriously, grow up.

What a Fucking Loser

This jackass took the time - during the biggest national disaster and crisis EVER - to send me an email defending the honor of his obsession. How fucking pathetic can you get? He says I'm "jealous" (of course) - I say he should be ashamed of himself.

Jackass Rant:

From: Michael Broadhurst <>
Date: Sat, 3 Sep 2005 20:31:28 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: stp talking about lindsay lohan
lindsay is more successfulthen you'll ever be. personally i think your jealous. and by the way her musics pretty good.layoff!

My Response:


Actually, I happen to be very successful - what do you do, flip burgers?

Can I ask a honest question? Why do all you immature fans think that people who dislike the stars you love are "jealous"? Could it possibly be that I just don't respect her? Did you ever think of that? Now, let's think about this - how can you be jealous of someone you don't respect? Hmm....I realize this may be a bit too deep for you - you can't even capitalize words in a sentence.

I am so far from "jealous" of Lindsay Lohan it isn't even funny. The once attractive vixen has turned into a bleached-blonde crackwhore, and I honestly feel sorry for her. Had she stuck with acting, I'd of left her alone but the "music"...come on. That's pathetic, and so is she for jumping on that absurd bandwagon.

In case you haven't noticed I am entitled to my opinion and - *gasp* - it doesn't have to match yours!! I realize this may be hard for you to accept, but not everyone is going to like the people you like...this is called "Life" and it's far from fair.

Here's an idea - how about instead of wasting your time emailing me to defend the honor of some snobby starlet whom you'll NEVER MEET, go donate some time or money to helping the victims of Hurricane Katrina and this government's bungling of the relief efforts? Even Lindsay is doing something - I'm sure she'd be proud that her fans are spending their time whining about a web page that hasn't been updated in months instead of trying to help. You sicken me.

Oh, and this is going up on the site so PLEASE feel free to respond - everyone should know what a heartless, whining, pathetic jerk and loser you are, jackass.

Who the Fuck Says "Toodles"?

Amazing how bold people can be with their opinions - as long as they do so anonymously. Only a true jackass would not have the balls to post back any contact information.

Jackass Rant:

Name: Me
Home Page:
Date: Sat Nov 05 15:02:46 2005
Referred By:
Can i just point out something? nobody asked you to like hilary. and shes just doing what she thinks expected of her, thats all. Maybe some of the things she does or says are a little irresponsible, stupid even; but would you make a hate website about, say, a fireman who risked his life to get a cat out of a burnt building, or a policeman who died going into a derlict and closed off building? no, but theyre just doing their jobs, being irresponsible. And if thats how duff wants to live her life, fine. Thats up to her. And making a hate website is probably a very childish thing to do in my opinion, whats it supposed to achieve? world peace? duff dead? a bunch of people in white cloaks and pointed hats called the KKK to go chase hilary fans around the street? haha no, i dont think so.

not that i like her or anything...shes not my taste, i prefer rock music, but i used to watch lizzie mcquire and ive seen a lot worse actors/actoresses in my time. :) toodles

My Response:


First off, I don't have a hate website dedicated to Hilary Duff. I have a page, wherein I discuss my lack of respect for Ms. Duff. I never said I hated her, and I don't waste ample amounts of precious time bashing her or working on an entire website. So your point is?

In reality, what's more immature and childish than throwing together a page to express my opinions on today's pop "artists" is you taking the time to write this pointless entry and compare Hilary Duff to service workers and true heroes.

There's a big difference. Hilary Duff is a "star" (surprising as it is), and when you are a star and live your life in the spotlight, you open yourself up for criticism. Service workers do not. Hilary's livelihood depends on whether the public likes or her not and shells out their hard-earned dollars to watch and listen to her crap. The public has a right to an opinion of her, and the right to express it.

This page isn't supposed to achieve anything. I put it together one day because I was bored. What is your entry supposed to achieve? What a dumb fucking question. I did it because I wanted to. And because I can - amazing, isn't it? But what can you expect from someone who ends her entry with "toodles"?

Lindsay's #1 Fan is an Idiot

If this is truly Lindsay's greatest fan and defender, Lindsay should just hang it all up now. I'd be embarassed to have fans like this.

Jackass Rant:

Name: Lindsay lohans Number one fan !!! (
Home Page:
Date: Mon Nov 07 14:22:08 2005
Referred By:
Right you little asshole, I have every right to tell you that lindsay lohan is the best she doesnt suck u suck you dick. Your totally out of order. If u had any sensitivity YOU would realise that lindsay is going through a family crisis At the moment and i dont care if you think she wants sympathy cause she dont believe what you fucking like. But lindsay lohan is soo the best and your just jealous because at the end of the day it all comes down to jealously. xoxoxoxoxo Lindz no1 fan Truly Deeply xoxoxo


My Response:

Lindsay lohans Number one fan (aka Lindsay's #1 Jackass),

I'm sure Lindsay is thrilled that her biggest fans have some of the worst English and grammar skills in the world. It's sad when the only people that will stand up for you can't form a simple sentence, isn't it?

Yes, you have every right to tell me that you think Lindsay is "the best", and I have every right to wonder if you were dropped on your head as a small child. Can you explain for me, please, why it angers you - personally offends you, even - that I am talking about someone you don't know and have never met? You can think I'm "jealous" all you want, the fact is, you're obsessed and delusional.

In all honesty, I'm so not jealous of Lindsay Lohan that it isn't even funny. I'd rather not be famous than be famous for producing generic crap that won't stand the test of time. I don't think she's all that attractive (especially now with the blonde-waif look) and I'm not exactly impressed with the bratty, binge-drinking image she portrays to the public. What, exactly, is there to be jealous of, I have to ask?

I could give two shits if Lohan is going through a family crisis. I never insinuated that she was seeking sympathy; in fact, I said nothing about her family crisises. Sure, her dad's a dick - whose isn't? I didn't talk about her family problems on my page; I'm not that evil. Yet she is still a public figure, and family crisis or not, people will always have strong opinions about her. That's life. Lindsay can deal with it - why can't you? Oh, yes, because you are obsessed and delusional, that's right. Really, I think you need help and some strong pills.

People Who "Love" Lindsay Scare Me

If this is truly Lindsay's greatest fan and defender, Lindsay should just hang it all up now. I'd be embarassed to have fans like this.

Jackass Rant:

Name: Steph
Home Page:
Date: Wed Nov 09 22:53:00 2005
Referred By:
One: Her music is fun and upbeat. If you actually listen to her entire CD, you will see that the music is very good. At least its not filled with "F THIS" and suicidal lyrics.

Two: She doesnt drink. Shes always seen with Red Bull (an energy alcohol-free drink) or water or ORANGE JUICE. Yes, orange juice. It's her favorite. Anyway, why is partying so bad? People are allowed to go out and have fun.

Three: Her boobs are real, get over it. She lost weight, her boobs shrunk a little. Implants dont do that. Just lay off her.

Four: She dyed her hair blonde for a freaking movie role. She plays Meryl Streep's daughter, who is blonde.

Five: The last pic, in reference to playboy, she is in a bathing suit. You see people every day at the pool or at the beach in bathing suits.

My Response:

Poor, misguided Steph,

You love Lindsay? I'm sorry. Do you really think that's healthy?

One. Her music is generic and bland. It sounds like every other wanna-be pop star's crap out today. She didn't write or make it - it's not music. It's generically produced and engineered shit that is mass produced for young kids like you who haven't matured enough to have real taste. Sorry, the truth hurts.

Two. People are allowed to go out and have fun - when they're of age to do so. Also, those same people aren't, at the same time, trying to project a sugary-sweet, good-girl image to the public. She's being a hypocrite. As to the non-alcoholic drinks - she looks pretty sloshed in some of those photos to just have been drinking Red Bull and orange juice, don't you think?

Three. I didn't say her boobs weren't real, genius. I said I thought they were. So learn to read and fuck off.

Four. Her hair looks like shit, but that's nothing compared to how crackwhorish she looks since losing all the weight. Unless it's for a movie role about someone dying of cancer, that's a poor excuse. She looks horrible, plain and simple. I mean, someone feed her, please!

Five. No, dumbass, I don't see people on the beach in bathing suits posing provocatively on a block of ice with the rest of their clothes falling off. There's a difference between being in a bathing suit and posing like a slut for a photo shoot. Of course, that's not the only slutty shot we've seen Miss-I'm-So-Disney taking, now is it (there are a few for you right there)?

Six. You're a jackass.

Illiterate Fans Unite

This horrible affront to grammar and the English language made my eyes bleed. Why are all obsessed fans illiterate, I ask you? Why??

Jackass Rant:

Name: jessy_menessy loves hil
Home Page:
Date: Sun Nov 27 3:55:16 2005
Referred By:
i love hil and i'm 20 get a lie yall losers!!!! yall suk so i bet u would luv 2 so suk her tits so stop bing jelous!

My Response:


I love the English language, and what you've done to it here is by far a thousand times worse than anything I've ever penned against Hilary Duff or any of the other plastic starlets I have bashed. Did you even make it through the second grade??

Do you realize how ignorant it makes you sound to proudly announce you are "20" when you write like a 6 year-old? How can you expect to be taken seriously when you can't even spell the word "being" and seem to have no knowledge of capitalization? If you are going to defend someone, try to, at least, come across as someone with half a lick of sense; a person with a viewpoint worth listening to might get your point across a tad more efficiently. Just a suggestion.

Since your writing skills are so beyond atrocious, you probably are not even aware of the glaring mistakes you have made. Let me show you how your message would have looked had it been written by a literate person:

"I love Hilary Duff, and I am 20 years-old. You need to get a life, you loser. You suck, though, so I bet you'd just love to suck on Hilary's tits. Stop being jealous!"

Ignoring the fact that it's still god-awful writing, and makes no valid point whatsoever, the grammar and layout is so much more pleasing to the eye - and makes you look like someone whose opinion might even matter.

Who cares what you think or say, when you express yourself like that? Not I, for one. Nor any of my other intelligent and/or literate readers, I can tell you. People will read your message and laugh at you. And that's the simple truth.

As far as sucking (it's "suck" not "suk", by the by) on Hilary's small teats, you couldn't be further off the mark. I have no desire to suck on Hilary's breasts because I am in no way attracted to her. But Lindsay Lohan? Those are some mammaries worth suckling. Hilary's breasts? No. Lindsay's breasts? Yes. Get it straight next time, okay?

I bash worthless celebs
every day: