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This is a website about someone that hurts themselves for various reasons, usually to cope with pain and deal with inner struggles. The purpose of this page is to give information to those wishing to know more about self-injury (often abbreviated as SI). Perhaps you have a loved one that you have learned is hurting themselves and would like to understand more. The intent of this page is to spread some light on this not-yet-well-known addiction (and affliction).

what | why | who | how | where

- what is si? -

Self Injury (or "SI"), also known as self-mutilation, self-harm, self-abuse, and sometimes deliberate harm syndrome, is the act of harming one's self to cope with extreme emotions or other overwhelming feelings.

Dr. Wendy Lader, President and Clinical Director of the Self Abuse Finally Ends (S.A.F.E.) ALTERNATIVES program, who is also an international speaker on self-injury, describes the mindset of those who turn to cutting as a coping mechanism:

People who self-harm have the inability to communicate the depth of their feelings. They can't talk about their emotions. And they want to do something quick to deal with their frustration or anger. Cutting works immediately. As soon as they split the skin there is a release.

People injure themselves in many ways: cutting, which seems to be the most popular, burning, scratching, beating/bruising, or embedding things under their skin. Some individuals have even been known to break their own limbs in their attempts to harm themselves while others will bang their heads or hurl their bodies at walls in the hopes of inflicting harm. The method of injury is as unique as each person committing the act. Sometimes the method varies, though each person has a preferred and regularly-used method; for example, a cutter may burn themselves from time to time.

A common mistake people make when hearing about SI is believing that the person is wanting to commit suicide. Though suicidal thoughts may be present, rarely does a self-injurer truly want to kill themselves. In fact, injuring is sometimes a way to cause harm without going to the extreme of suicide.

Another misconception is that cutters are merely attention-seekers; in fact, most cutters and self-abusers cause harm on parts of their body not regularly seen or that are easy to hide. They usually take extreme measures to keep their wounds and scars hidden from others, usually with the help of excess clothing.

Self-injury usually begins as a result of other problems and as a method of coping with such. Examples are a past history of abuse (usually sexual), mental illness, or overwhelming emotions that the self-injurer is not able to positively cope with (sometimes the result of a traumatic event or a series of such events). Other times, simple stress can cause a person with negative or undeveloped coping skills to turn to self-injury, just as some turn to alcohol or drugs to dull their pains. Self-injurers generally, but not always, also suffer from low self-esteem. Injuring themselves is a way of wreaking havoc on a body they despise or a personality they feel at odds with. Often times anger at the self, rather than just the outside world, can cause a person to harm themselves; in this vein, guilt is also a powerful motivator for self-injury.

I highly suggest you read S.A.F.E.'s Self-Injury F.A.Q. page and the article Why She Cuts by Jessica Bennett for more information on this behavior. Another wonderful piece is The Long Road Back From Bleeding by Tricia McCarter-Joseph, reprinted here with permission.

- why do people self-injure? -

There are any number of reasons why people injure themselves - as varied and different as can be. Feelings of remorse or guilt, extreme anger or even heavy depression can trigger an injuring incident. A vast majority - though certainly not all - self-injurers have a past history of sexual abuse.

Different people have different and personal reasons for hurting themselves. Some believe that self-injurers do so only for attention, but that is a harmful misconception still held - even by some in the medical field - about self-injurers.

People who self-injure feel relief when they hurt themselves; in fact, the body releases endorphins when someone cuts, burns, or otherwise harms themselves. This calming feeling can be addictive and lead to a cycle of self-abuse.

I know personally that my cutting was a way to bring out a pain that was only felt inside. I could not cope with what I felt in my mind, but by bringing it out, seeing it and feeling it, that was something I could handle and control. That was real.

Self-injury is often an expression of pain and inner turmoil. It is a way of coping, albeit a destructive one, and a soothing answer to out-of-control feelings. People hurt themselves to feel alive (someone who feels "numb" may hurt themselves to "feel alive"), to express inside pain (mental/emotional) on the outside (physical), or even to calm themselves (the endorphin rush).

Self-injury is also a form of control in a chaotic mindscape; people who often feel they have no control over their lives, their bodies, or their mental states feel a sense of control in causing self-harm to their own bodies. Self-injury then becomes a way for a person to feel they have some semblance of "control" when they feel their lives or mental state are spinning out of control.

You may be wondering, also, what causes a person to start self-injuring in the first place? Again, there are so many reasons: 50% of cutters were sexually abused as children, though - obviously - not all self-injurers suffered sexual abuse (I did not). Others first injure themselves accidentally and, liking the relief it brings them, continue the behavior. Depression and low self-esteem are, also, some of the main causes of beginning to self-harm.

- who would do such a thing to themselves? -

What kind of people self-injure? There is no set standard, though the rate seems to be higher among young to middle-aged white females.

Many famous people have openly admitted self-injury, including actors Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp, and Christina Ricci; singers Shirley Manson and Fiona Apple; and even royalty such as Princess Diana. No one is immune to self-injury.

I self-injure, the quiet girl in your class may self-injure, or the boy next door may self-injure. People who hurt themselves are not "freaks", they are not "weird" or "crazy". They have a problem and self-harm is how they cope with their emotions; otherwise, they are people just like you.

- how can i get help? -

Thankfully, self-injury is becoming a more understood problem in today's society. For a very long time the condition was not widely realized or recognized, causing sufferers to be either misdiagnosed or left without help. Those who did self-mutiliate kept it to themselves and seeking help was a difficult, if not impossible, solution. Doctors and psychatrists in prior years tended to claim self-harm was either as simple as a cry for attention or as serious as attempted suicide. Getting help is, finally, becoming much easier than it was before.

Irregardless, one should always make sure that the help they seek is qualified to deal with their problem. While self-injury is more recognized and understood today, it is still a relative newcomer to the field of psychiatry. The first therapist I told about my cutting, a resident intern at a university hospital in 1996, visibly drew back - complete with a horrified look - when I showed him my scars. Obviously, this person could not help me. Sadly, in 2006, when I decided to return to counseling and was searching for a new doctor, a well-respected and seasoned therapist gave a similar reaction. Both reactions - though ten years apart and with all of the strides I have made in healing myself - were hurtful and embarassing. It is well, then, to remember that even with the advances that have been made in understanding self-injury, finding the right person to care for you is critical. If you feel uncomfortable with your counselor/therapist/psychatrist, you will not be able to get the help you need from that person.

One of the hardest things for loved ones of self-injurers to hear is that the person they love can not begin the process of healing - can not end the cycle of self-abuse - until they are ready. Much like alcoholism, no one can be forced into getting help. When the person is ready to face their demons and fight the battle, they will do so. For the longest time, I didn't believe my cutting was a problem. I felt it was something I had control over and could do or not do as I saw fit. If a loved one is self-injuring, let them seek help on their own or come to you to help them find help. You cannot push someone into recovery - this is often very difficult for loved ones of the self-injurer to come to terms with. That is not to say you should not approach your loved one with your concerns; sometimes they may not realize how their self-harm is hurting those around them. Definitely talk to them, but be gentle and do not push - let them know you love them, are there for them, and want them to get help and that, when they are ready to do so, you will be there to help them through the process.

Get out the phone book, or look up your state's mental health department's website. Talk to other self-injurers in your area (find people online) and ask who they went to. Search and research until you find the right place and the right doctors/psychatrists to help you. Get online and visit websites, talk to others who have experienced what you're going through. It will help you to take that first step when you are ready to do so. Remember, none of us are going through this alone - no matter how much it may seem to be so.

- where can i find more info on self-injury? -

Thankfully, self-injury is becoming a more recognized problem. For awhile, it was not widely known about. Those who did it kept it to themselves, and seeking help was a difficult thing - doctors and psychatrists claimed it was either as simple as a cry for attention or as serious as attempted suicide. Getting help is, finally, becoming easier than it was before.

If you know of any sites that should be added to this list, please contact me.

WARNING: This site contains material of an upsetting nature and may contain triggers. Self-injurers, please make sure you are safe when viewing these pages.
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