bleedingouthepain

help...

Perhaps the scariest part of cutting in the early days was the feeling of being "alone"; of being the only person in the world that harmed themselves as a method of coping. Finding cutting help and information sites the night before I went into therapy helped me immensely on the road to recovery.

You are not alone.

quick, temporary help | long-term help | things we deal with

- quick, temporary help -

You are having a breakdown: a mental anguish you cannot soothe, a lost and sinking feeling you cannot swim up from, a guilt-ridden attack of helplessness, or maybe an anxiety-filled worry fest that has you on the edge of madness; or perhaps it is something else altogether different and unique unto to yourself.

Whatever is causing it, you are going down fast and only one thing stands out in your mind - like a flashing beacon of sanity - the thing that you know can soothe, calm, and cure you: self-injury.

For those of us that self-injure, or are on the road to recovery from self-injury, this is not an uncommon scenario. In our weakest moments we so easily slip back into our negative and harmful (yet comforting) coping methods.

One of the hardest things to do when you start the recovery process is to learn how to "rewire" your brain; to recondition your thoughts and, therefore, your actions.

Your current coping method of self-injury can be boiled down to, in its simplest form, merely a "bad habit". Webster's New World Dictionary gives us the following definitions of the word "habit":

habitual or characteristic condition of mind or body; disposition
a thing done often and hence, usually, done easily; practice; custom | a pattern of action that is acquired and has become so automatic that it is difficult to break
a tendency to perform a certain action or behave in a certain way; usual way of doing

The good thing is that any bad habit can be "fixed". When you find yourself in a state of emotional distress, you first instinct is to cut as that has become your coping method. To begin the process of healing, you need to rewire your brain - reteach it to choose a more positive method of coping. At first it will seem almost impossible - it will not be easy - but it will get easier as time goes on, and if you are sincere in your desire to stop cutting, you will succeed.

First, you need to choose one, or a couple, positive methods of coping with emotional distress other than self-injury (such as writing your feelings out, punching your pillow, calling a trusted friend or family member, etc. - see the Anything section below for some ideas). Then, when the emotions start to pile up and you feel the want or need to harm yourself, imagine a gigantic STOP! sign in your mind and tell yourself "Stop!". Instead of cutting, resort to your chosen new method of coping. Continue to do this and your brain will begin to "rewire" automatically; you are essentially replacing the self-harm choice with a new, more positive choice.

Studies show that repetitive tasks take approximately twenty-one (21) days to take hold in the mind; to become routine. Naturally this will vary for different people and will depend on how deeply ingrained the bad habit you are trying to change is. This will, however, give you a timeframe to sort of work with. After twenty-one (21) days of choosing a different method of coping, you should notice a significant decrease in your immediate need to self-harm. As time goes on, it will become easier to choose the positive coping method over the negative one, and eventually it will become your "new normal"; it will become a routine the brain has been rewired to accept.

This is the simplest of methods and, naturally, not the only one available to you. It is not recommended that you begin the road to recovery alone. Along with engaging the help of trusted friends or family members, you should seek professional help during this fragile time. A counselor or therapist can help you traverse the difficult landscape of healing, and a psychatrist may even prescribe you medication to help you along in the healing process.

Talk
Take a deep breath - and, as hard as it may be, refocus your thoughts. Call an understanding friend, loved one, or family member and say, "I'm about to cut - I need you." Talk on the phone or have them come over until the urge has passed. Often, just talking with someone about how you feel - or even about something else completely - helps keep you safe until the desire to cut (and the pain that brought the desire on) has faded considerably.

If you don't feel comfortable talking to someone you know, or want to keep your problems to yourself, there are wonderful hotlines with people waiting on the other end just to help you. Self-injury is no longer an unknown problem in the world of mental health; you won't be balked at - you will be helped. Take that step and make that call: National Self-Injury Hotline, 1-800-DONT-CUT.

Here are some other important numbers - don't be afraid to use them:

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743
Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Type
Perhaps you aren't ready to talk, or the thought of doing so makes you uncomfortable and causes more panic. There are forums, groups, and chatrooms that you can reach out to from the safety and anonymity of your computer:

...just to name a few. If you know or have a site you think should be listed here, please contact me.

Anything
Anything that you can think of to do that will calm your mind is game here. Some ideas:

Painting,
reading,
writing (I find journaling my spiraling thoughts extremely helpful),
watching TV/movies,
gaming,
color in a coloring book,
take a walk,
meditate,
practice yoga or something similar,
doodle,
cook,
organize your bookshelf,
play with your pets (remember that they love you and don't want you to hurt yourself),
write down everything you have in your life to be thankful for,
write your bad thoughts and tough-to-deal-with scenarios on paper and burn it,
take a candelit bubble bath with your favorite relaxing music playing,
go shopping (in town or online),
put on your favorite funky CD and dance naked around the house,
think of things to add to this list and send them to me.

The important thing here is to get your mind off of the bad stuff, and away from the desire to cut to calm yourself. It won't be easy - we all know it isn't. But whatever you can do to not cut is a step in the right direction.

If all else fails, or you just want to, you can contact me via email or Yahoo! Messenger (I'm skatoolaki and usually online). I'm always ready to listen and/or lend a helping hand. I've been there and I know what you're going through. Stay strong - and stay safe.

- long-term help -

Eventually, more likely than not, you're going to have to get some professional help for your self-injury problems. Get advice from friends, co-workers or family about good psychatrists and shop around until you find one that you are comfortable with - you can also use online directories to help you find therapists in your area, such as Psychology Today's Find a Therapist. I also suggest reading the very helpful article, How To Choose a Competent Therapist, written from personal experience by Martha Ainsworth.

If you are Christian and interested in a Pastoral Counselor, please visit the American Association of Pastoral Counselors site. Counselors are listed by state.

You can also get some online help with Internet Therapy. I don't know how effective this is, as I haven't tried it. I would suggest seeing a live, in-person psychatrist beforehand.

I believe the "want" to cut never truly goes away - and if you're waiting for it to do so, you're only postponing the start of the healing process. Get some help - find new and healthy ways to cope with life and your mental problems. Learn to love yourself and be gentle with yourself...you're going to mess up along the way (I still do sometimes), but you just pick yourself up and start again. Seeing a therapist and, perhaps, getting on medication will make that process all the easier.

- things we deal with -

Scars
The one thing about self-injury - as opposed to most other mentally-charged, behavior problems - is that it's much more difficult to hide. No one may know that deep inside you're bipolar and o.c.d. - people do, however, tend to notice when your body is covered in obvious scars.

It's a constant dilemna for the self-injurer trying to hide new wounds, or the recovering self-injurer wishing bad scars to go unnoticed. How can you, without causing odd looks, pull off wearing long sleeves and/or pants in 100+ degree weather? Of course you can't, and every self-injurer has to make the decision to look weird and be sweaty, or to have to explain their scars to a possibly non-understanding crowd.

I gave up trying to hide my scars long ago - but this decision isn't for everyone (even I, under certain circumstances...like meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time...do occasionally still cover up). I usually try to explain that I'm a recovering self-injurer long before people will see me in short sleeves. My arms are very severely scarred and it isn't uncommon for complete strangers to come to me and exclaim, "What happend to your arms?!"

Thankfully, self-injury is becoming a more known problem. Ten years ago, replying with, "I cut myself" or "I used to cut myself" garnered some pretty horrified and confused looks. People are a bit more understanding today and I'm more than willing to discuss self-injury with them if they don't know about it or aren't comfortable with it. I believe that spreading awareness of self-injury is the key to getting real help for those with this problem. Psychatrists ten years ago didn't know what to do with me. Young people today are better able to get the help they need because of the growing knowledge of self-injury.

However, scar and wound hiding is a constant in the life of a self-injurer. To all young kids that think it's "cool" to hurt/cut themselves, I'd love to show my terribly scarred arms; there's nothing cool about not being able to comfortably sport a tank-top in the dead of summer. There's nothing cool about having to explain something so horrific-looking to co-workers or your peers. There is absolutely nothing cool about having your godchild ask you, "Aunt Shanna, what happened to your arms?"

Showing or hiding your scars is a decision every one of us has to make. I choose to show my scars because I don't feel right "hiding" who I am or the struggles I've been through. Low self-esteem was one of the contributing factors to my cutting, and I refuse to feel ashamed. I also feel it is important to spread awareness of self-injury. Obviously not everyone is going to feel this way; this is just my personal decision. Do what feels right and comfortable for you. You don't have to answer to anyone but yourself.

I Self-Injure
Perhaps one of the most difficult times in our lives comes when we have to open up about our self-injury to someone new - or to family and friends who might be in the dark about our struggles.

I usually am pretty up front from the start with new people - though I might hold off on showing them my arms if the idea makes them a little uncomfortable (the scars on my arms shock a lot of people - including a few professional psychatrists).

My fiancé got introduced to my cutting at the start. We'd only been together a few weeks when my "bad day" (September 7) rolled around. That particular session caused my worst scars to date (note to self: never use serrated knives), and a few days after, when he came by for the weekend, I had to explain what had happened (there was no hiding the mess I'd made of my arms). He didn't quite understand - he still doesn't fully - but he was patient and gentle, and to this day helps me cope with my cutting when the desire rears its head. It was a scary thing to come forward to him about; I was very aware it could scare away this wonderful man I'd just met and had fallen hard for.

Take your time and don't tell everyone at once. Don't be afraid to answer questions, and be prepared for some shock and anger - people tend to fear what they don't understand. Talk to others about how they've come out to various people but, most of all, make sure you're ready and comfortable discussing your self-injury.