The Westbank Shopper

Plaquemine, Louisiana is the seat of Iberville Parish and from here a small newspaper, known as The Westbank Shopper is distributed, free, to all Ibervillians (it claims to reach 17,000 patrons).

It contains local goings-on, coupons and ads. It also includes a section that has brought many laughs to my family and me known as Hotline.

I don't know where people call in or send their Hotline complaints to have them published in the paper, and TWS doesn't say. I do know that what does appear there oft makes me ashamed to have been born and raised in Iberville parish; or Louisiana at all, for that matter.

I have read some of the most ignorant calls/letters in this section that I've ever come across and realize that growing up and leaving this parish with a working and reasoning brain was more of a feat than I'd ever imagined.

Naturally, not everyone in Iberville Parish is this stupid or misguided; I know this personally. It's a lovely parish and I'm proud to be from there. Yet everyone has the "trash" in their area that they aren't proud of and have to deal with; these are the people that make these calls and write these letters.

Read on, you'll laugh, you'll be angry, you'll shake your head in utter disbelief - but I promise you that everything you read here was truly written or called in by someone who thinks they know it all.

 

Disclaimer

The Westbank Shopper and Hotline are both the property of Plaquemine, Louisiana.

This site is in no way associated with or endorsed by Plaquemine, Louisiana, The Westbank Shopper or Hotline.

 

Hotline Hilarity

All of these great. Use the menu, or scroll down to join in the laughter.

* Indicates a new entry.

Don't Force Tolerance! Get Out of Our Schools!
Remember Them... Don't Tax Us Again
Time to Ban Them! Give Us Our Nation Back!
Lock Them Up! It Won't Help Us!
What Are They Thinking? Let Us Hunt Where We Want!
A Big Mistake I Hate Walking!
Give Us NASCAR In Schools What a Shame!
Time To Set An Example Outsourcing Is Good!
* Ban Them and Protect Us!  

 


These are some gems - let me rip them a new one piece by piece. Their bilge in brown text; my comments in regular text.

Don't Force Tolerance!
Heaven Forbid We Practice that Love Thy Neighbor Crap!

I heard somewhere that they were going to make our kids adhere to some kind of "no-name calling" week.

Yes, the "No-Name Calling Week" put together by the Gay Lesbian & Straight Education Network out of NY is something we should ban. Of course, even though it covers ALL name-calling, we sure wouldn't want to teach our children not to make fun of others or belittle those they feel are "different" from them. I mean, what kind of children would we be raising? Kind, loving, accepting and understanding ones? Screw that!

I think this is all about giving the liberals anything they want and trying to bury the notion that Americans are great people.

There go those damn liberals again - wanting everyone to love one another and treat their fellow humans with humanity and compassion. I mean, where's the sense in that?! Don't you know Jesus was just JOKING when he said that shit? He didn't *really* mean everyone was equal and you should love and help out others. You really thought he came down to Earth to forgive everyone's sins? No, that was a *joke*! Jesus was just making the rounds on a comedy tour. Duh.

We don't hear anything about stopping people in Iraq from hating us.

And how would we go about that? Create a "Say 'I Love Americans' or Get Shot in the Head" day? Personally, if we cared about the Iraqis hating us, we wouldn't have went over there in the first place.

But as Americans, we're all wrong. How do you like that? This is just another way to give acceptance to people who don't fit in, and are trying to force us to tolerate them!

Because, omg, giving *acceptance* to people who *don't fit in* would be the end of the world as we know it. Tell me, moron, what defines someone who "doesn't fit in"? Would this be someone that doesn't agree with *your* values and morals? So you're saying we should "not tolerate" and demean those that are "different" in YOUR eyes? The whole world should hate the people you hate, correct? Frankly your fear-based ignorance is appalling and if *anything* should not be tolerated in this country it is the bigoted, self-righteous bilge that comes out of boorish brains such as yours. Suck on that.

Did you people maybe think that these "so-called victims" were misfits of society who refuse to conform to good, clean American living?

Good, clean American living then, by your definition, constitutes shunning those that aren't ultra-conservative Christian bigots like you and your kind? Good, clean American living is, then, living a life that is in direct opposition to the teachings of the religion you so fervently cling to? Americans should be, in your opinion, spiteful, hypocritical ignoramus? If so, then you're doing an outstanding job at being an American; keep up the good work.

 


 

Get Out of Our Schools!
Sponge Bob is SOOO Gay!

I fully understand the anger over the cartoon character "Sponge Bob" and others and how they're using this to bring into schools to tell our kids to understand kids who are different.

Lovely grammar there, darling. In light of it, it isn't at all surprising that you "fully understand the anger over the cartoon character 'Sponge Bob'". I sincerely hope your parents didn't waste too much money on your "education".

What they're really saying is that you have people who are living in lifestyles non-conducive to Christianity, it's not really a bad thing.

Who is really saying this? Sponge Bob? Sponge Bob is telling you and your children not to be Christian-like? That's amazing, really. I think it's absolutely hilarious that you people think S.B. is homosexual because he holds his friend Patrick's hand. No really, it's a hoot. Ever heard of "grasping at straws?" No? Try this one on, then: You morons are teaching your children that every time they grasp the hand of a playmate of the same sex THEY ARE GAY. And you're worried about the message these *cartoons* are spreading?!

That's why I won't let my kids watch Sesame Street or these others shows that try to shove diversity down our throats and make us adhere to what liberals want us to accept as normal behavior.

No, sweets, the reason you don't let your children watch Sesame Street is because you're an idiot who's so worried about teaching your children to shun people who think or act differently you don't even notice your own hypocrisy against the very God you claim to worship. "Normal behavior" is being nice to others and accepting of *everyone*, regardless if they think, act, dress, eat, sleep and/or FUCK differently than you; this isn't a "liberal" concept - it's called humanity. And seriously, if watching a television show forces you to act other than how you normally would, you might just want to consider throwing out the TV set completely.

I honestly believe the reason we have the tragedies and disasters we're having today is because god is fed up with the way we're straying away from his path and if this school system brings that Sponge Bob garbage into my child's classroom, I'm pulling him out the school system and suing the school board.

You do that - you sue the school board and home school your child so he never has to hear about Sponge Bob Square Pants again. That makes absolute sense to me. You are right about one thing, God/dess is fed up with the way you and those like you are straying from His/Her path. He/She - It is fed up with you smearing It's good name with your hate-mongering, your chastising and your condemnations. Every time you spread fear, hate and hurt "in God's name" you are making a mockery of God and the very foundations of the "teachings of Christ" you claim to hold so dear. People like you are the reason I stopped calling myself a "Christian".


These letters really angered me. For parents to deny a "No-Name Calling" week because it might make it seem OKAY to be NICE to gay people or those that are "different" hurts my very soul. I'm not gay, but in school I, like many others, got picked on and called names because I was "different" - because I didn't "fit in". Kids can be cruel and that's a given - but when the parents are egging them on, teaching them to mistreat and outcast others it almost seems as if all hope is lost. It is not - not EVER - okay to hate someone because they don't "fit in" to your neat little package of "what should be" or "what is acceptable".

And I'm not saying all of this because I'm a "liberal" or a "non-Christian" but because I'm a human being and why would I shun and condemn my fellow brethren so harshly simply because we aren't the same? Who are you to say your way is the right one and who are you to cast out and injure those that don't agree? Who are we to pass judgment on anyone else? We all live in glass houses, my friends.

 


 

People of Iberville Parish, for the love of all things holy and sacred, please, stop drinking the water!!!

I am convinced that the majority of Ibervillians are either insane or are completely lacking the sense god gave a goose; or a snail, for that matter.

Remember Them...
I'd like to remind everyone that we've lost 25 Louisiana soldiers. While you people are sitting at home watching garbage like "Desperate Housewives", take a moment to think about them. Everything people say about Democrats is true - they are liberal and their Communist. Case in point: our esteemed governor, "Queen Bee" herself, is going to make a trip to Cuba to promote Louisiana goods and services. We don't need no trade with no Communist country. We don't need their Godless money. We can sell our stuff to the Mexicans. We need to impeach the goveernor because she is a closet Communist who wil probably fall for that Cuban lothario Castro and end up becoming the queen of Cuba.

Shanna Responds:
People from Iberville parish, mainly Plaquemine, are a strange lot. They bitch about not having enough jobs, but go up in arms when things like airports or new plants offer to come into the area for fear of it encroaching on hunting land and bringing uncouth persons to the area. They believe people should be able to shoot whatever they want on whomever's property, and there is not a week that goes by that they don't complain about the barking dogs in some neighbor's yard (I'm imagining this is the "animals" they'd like to shoot "on other's land"). They think that Liberals and firecracker stands are the devil and anyone who isn't Christian should be hunted down during deer season. Now, apparently, they also believe that our governor is not only a Communist, but the soon-to-be Queen of Cuba. Amazing. I'm amazed - aren't you amazed?

My sister says, when she sends me this stuff, "be merciless" - but do I really have to? With such blaring stupidity what more can I say? These people mock themselves just by opening their mouths.

 


 

Don't tax us again...
A couple of weeks ago I read a column in the Post/South talking about cuts to the Veterans Adminisration. Well, the writer of this column is probably using this as an excuse to speak out against the war. These people are fighting to protect our freedom, and they're volunteering to do it. Nobody told them to. I appreciate what they're doing, but it's not like we have a draft anymore. If people listen to folks like Mr. Dupont saying we should raise taxes to give more money to the Veterans Administration, then the same people are going to be saying we need to raise taxes for something else. I think the writer of that column is just another 'tax and spend' liberal who wants to punish the wealthy. The government needs to treat the Veterans Administration the same way as a business - run it efficiently, and then there won't be the cries for more money.

Shanna Responds:
Heaven forbid the wealthy use their money to help others - much less others that fought and died so that you could spend that money as you so chose. I fail to see how being liberal has anything to do with the belief that we should support our vets.

First off, Miss Know It All, did you know that most of the Louisiana boys we've lost to the war were National Guard? Don't tell me they volunteered with the idea that they may be sent off to war someday. No, we don't have a draft "anymore" but a lot of the vets you're claiming we shouldn't help were drafted - my grandfather, for one. They didn't choose to get sent to war - but they went, they fought, some were wounded and some never came home. If we don't take care of our vets, above everyone and everything else other than our children, then what kind of a country are we? If it weren't for them we wouldn't have the freedoms we take for granted; such as the one that allows you to stand up and bash the true heroes of our country. You appreciate what they do, do you? Has anyone in your family ever gone to war? Do you know anyone personally that is fighting in this war now? My guess is no, otherwise you might not be so quick to throw out such ignorant judgements.

 


 

These are pure Hotline classics - enjoy:

TIME TO BAN THEM...
I notice the fireworks stands are coming up again, and I have to say I have a problem with this. I think there is a distinct correlation between playing fireworks and tobacco and smoking. Get these kids around a lighter or matches, and the next thing they want to do is smoke, and I'm not talking about just cigarettes.

Shanna Responds:
I just never thought someone would have the courage to actually come out with this. Finally - I no longer have to hide in shame because now I know there are others out there who became addicted to something by doing something else that was totally unrelated. Who would've known that buying that coconut sno-cone one hot July day would later lead to my addiction with a different kind of snow; the one that goes up your nose rather than down your throat. I am not alone. There are others that will blame their problems on anything other than themselves! Please. Firecrackers are the true gateway for dopers and sno-cones are only the beginning of an addiction to cocaine. Now that the truth is out - something must be done!

 



GIVE US OUR NATION BACK!

I see Plaquemine has a retiring councilman who wants to protect religion and the right to practice. It's about time, because I've seen on TV where liberal police would lock doors and not allow people to go into their churches to practice their faith, try to lock buildings to stop Christians from going into church even trying to ban Christmas. They're even trying to round up preachers and put them into a big camp simply for preaching the word of God. As Christians, we must stop this insanity against Christianity . Look what they tried to do during the Presidential election. Christians weren't even allowed to vote, much less influence the election. It's time for Christians to take America back as their own nation!

Shanna Responds:
I think this person needs to lay off the firecrackers. Exactly what TV programs are you watching? Might you be mistaking fictional television shows for actual news? Liberal police locking people out of their churches?! Rounding up preachers and putting them "in a big camp"??! A big camp???

Christians weren't allowed to vote! Omg! I didn't know about this - did you know about this? If Christians weren't allowed to vote then I want a freakin' recount because there's NO WAY Bush could've won.

You should come and join us in Reality sometime, it might not be as interesting a place as the one in your head where you reside, but it can be quite beneficial for daily living.

 



LOCK THEM UP!
I was calling to agree with the caller last week about how liberals are out to destroy Christianity. The plain truth is that until we abolish this non-sensical "serparation of church and state" baloney from our Constitution, we're always going to have liberals wanting to rally for Satan and keep mention of God completely out of our society. This is a Christian nation, plain and simple. Nothing else. If they could do away with that "church and state" issue, maybe we could lock up all the non-believers and throw away the key.

Shanna Responds:
That's right; let's ban that silly "separation of church & state" so that Christianity can be pushed on everyone regardless of their true beliefs. That's what America's all about, right? This is a Christian nation, eh? And you're saying that regardless of the fact that, well, it isn't?

From Americans United:
...The U.S. Constitution is a wholly secular document. It contains no mention of Christianity or Jesus Christ. In fact, the Constitution refers to religion only twice in the First Amendment, which bars laws "respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof," and in Article VI, which prohibits "religious tests" for public office. Both of these provisions are evidence that the country was not founded as officially Christian.

The Founding Fathers did not create a secular government because they disliked religion. Many were believers themselves. Yet they were well aware of the dangers of church-state union. They had studied and even seen first-hand the difficulties that church-state partnerships spawned in Europe. During the American colonial period, alliances between religion and government produced oppression and tyranny on our own shores.

Really, though, let's forget the facts and the intentions of our founding fathers and live as all bigoted, self-righteous Christians believe we should: forcing everyone to become a follower of their Christ or "lock them up and throw away the key". Do or die. I mean, that's the Christian thing to do, right? Jesus didn't really mean it when he said "Love thy enemies." He was just joking. That silly Jesus.

But what do I know? I'm just another Satanic Liberal who locked up Christians so they couldn't vote and forced young kids to pop firecrackers.

 



Apparently there is some talk being thrown around about an airport going up in or around Plaquemine. I can't imagine why as I can never see a big need for people to fly to Plaquemine, nor is there anything big, exciting or non-hick for miles and miles around it. This pointless airport has some residents in a huff; mainly those that like to kill innocent animals and hang their lifeless corpses on their walls for ornamentation. An airport, you see, would take up land - land that could be used for killing innocent animals and decorating the home. Let's forget for a moment that most of Plaquemine is woods and fields and, therefore, land and that an airport isn't going to encroach on killing grounds that freakin' much. But since we've already established that this area is also populated with fucking idiots, let's proceed.

IT WON'T HELP US!
I'm hearing all this talk about how some of the landowners will sell and even donate land for the airport. I hope they realize the only people they'll benefit is a whole bunch of outsiders who will infest our community, while we're stuck with no jobs and no hunting land. This is a crime.

Shanna Responds:
No hunting land?! What is this world coming to? Heaven forbid there be no more hunting land. I would so much rather people walking around and shooting guns on my land than an airport!

I think the people in Plaquemine should be a little less worried about "an influx of outsiders who will infest our community" and a little more concerned with the complete fucking morons that are already there.

WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?
This is to all the people who were once fighting against the airport who now seem to be giving up. What's with you people? Don't you realize that the area is going to be infested with outsiders and dopeheads. Maybe a few people from other towns will get jobs, but we'll see a lot of outsiders, more crime and more drugs. We'll probably also see a rise in auto theft. All because Louisiana has to give up some land to a bunch of foreigners.

Shanna Responds:
Apparently not only hunters are upset about the airport, but concerned citizens who know that airports always bring an influx of dopers, foreigners and car thieves. Let's not forget Satanic Liberals and Firecracker Stand Owners. Oh filthy, vile airports.

 


 

LET US HUNT WHERE WE WANT!
In the name of American freedom, I think it's high time the government and their so-called freedom start to ease up a bit on some things. What I'm really talking about is the right to hunt where you want. Everywhere I go, I see the "No Trespassing" signs. Even worse, I can't hunt in my backyards. Sure, there are some residents around me, but if I see a dear, rabbit or squirrel run by, why can't I kill it? It's not fair. It' just government's way of keeping its foot on the neck of Americans. As long as these wacko liberals are sticking their nose in our business, I guess it won't change.

Shanna Responds:
There go those damn liberals again. Stopping people from whipping out guns and shooting at everything that runs by. I mean, how dare those liberals and even our own Government allow people to stop strangers from going onto their land and shooting animals on it. The nerve! "No Trespassing" signs should be banned! If I want to stop on someone's land and shoot, burn it, spit on it, piss on it that's my damn right as an American! Damnit!



I have mentioned before that LSU Tiger fans are a zany lot - over-zealous to the extreme; even to the point of obsession and creepiness at times. Other times, they're just stupid.

A BIG MISTAKE...
I wanted to call and complain about how the state had the nerve to let Nick Saban leave. We could've taken the money we give to the Saints and give it to him to keep him in Louisiana. We could've paid a tax. Anything. I think the state legislature could've had an emergency session to give him whatever he needed. Some people don't think this is such an important issue, but the fact is that he instilled pride to Louisiana, and we failed to reward him properly. Anyone in his right mind knows that, and would agree that we should've done anything we could to keep him. The state has blown it again.

Shanna Responds:
Really? Do I even have to try and poke fun at this? Give Saban the Saints' money? Oh yes that is brilliant; I'm sure The Saints will go for that. Pay a tax? Pay a fucking tax?? Did you just say that? Look, I'm glad we won the Sugar Bowl and everything but I sure as hell am not paying a fucking tax to line the coffers of LSU's head coach just so he'll stick around and continue to coach at LSU. If it means so much to you why not donate your entire salary to him? Every penny you make every day can go into Nick Saban's pockets so he'll stay in Louisiana. You want him that bad, you can foot the bill.

But this is my favorite: State Legislature should've called a Special Session....to decide how to make Nick Saban stay. Oh..god...it's ...too ...much. I can't...stop...laughing.

 


 

A few more installments of Hotline Hilarity for you!

I Hate Walking!
I'm calling to complain because I was at a shopping center a few weeks ago and I had a hard time finding a place to park. I weigh 355 lbs., and I hate having to walk far. I'd rather park right by the store to save myself some walking. There's nothing in the law that says I have to do a lot of walking. I don't like it, so I think they need to do something about it. Let me ask this question: How many handicapped parking spots are actually used. I think they need to loosen up on some of those and open them up to people like me who don't like to do a lot of walking. It would be a great help.

Shanna Responds:
Sounds to me like your fat ass needs to walk. Look, I'm not saying it isn't easy for overweight people to walk far - of course it is, so go and get off your lazy rump and get a fucking handicap plate, you dumb bitch. They give them to large people who have leg problems because of their weight.

However, if your only problem is that you don't "like" to walk far - let this little truly-handicapped bitch set your lazy, selfish, undeserving-of-two-good-legs ass straight right now. I have a handicap tag because I can't walk far; not that I don't want to - I can't - I don't have a choice, like you.

I'm sorry you don't like walking far - let me cry you a fucking river. I'd love to be able to decide I don't "like" to walk far; yet that's something I'll never have. No, because a pair of working legs is a blessing bestowed on indolent wastes of flesh like you - for reasons I'll never quite understand. Slothful cows like you who don't appreciate it get working legs; people who would rather take handicap spaces from people who need them rather than your selfish, corpulent ass having to take a few extra steps.

May you NEVER find a close parking spot for the rest of your days, you dumb bitch!

 


 

Give Us NASCAR In Schools
I'm a student at Plaquemine High, and I'm calling because I'd like for the school system to offer a class on the history of NASCAR. It's a major part of our culture, and it's everything good that American stands for. To study NASCAR is to study America, and isn't that what schools supposed to do anyway? Aren't they supposed to teach about things important in America? I think NASCAR is important, and it's fun, too, so I think they better look like teaching NASCAR history in our schools.

Shanna Responds:
This one is going to be calling in about losing hunting grounds in a few years. Wow. There's just so much to say about this bona fide piece of redneck literature here.

First of all, kid, no - school is not about teaching you about "things important in America". It's supposed to teach you how to read and write and do math. This is to help you get a good job someday so that you can support your three ex-wives, ten children and the payments on your trailer, 4-wheeler and tricked-out pick-up truck. Without a job you can't pay the hunting license to go kill things, or the cable bill to watch your beloved NASCAR. That is what school is for.

Besides, most children graduating from Louisiana today already know more about NASCAR - along with hunting, fishing, beer and tricked-out pick-up trucks - than they do about reading and writing. There's no need to push their education further out the way so they can study up on their redneck and coonass ways; that's a birthright - you kids come out of the womb knowing that shit.

So, concentrate on your studies a little more, and the NASCAR a little less and you may be able to afford a double-wide someday instead of a plain trailer.

 


 

What a Shame!
Hotline, I want to complain about something I noticed on Martin Luther King Day. I drove around town Monday, and I saw all these businesses open. What part of the words 'national holiday' do you people not understand? To make matters worse, I saw that the chemical plants were open and some offices were open. The nerve of these people! On a day like that, everything should be closed. And that includes the hospital and even the police department. A holiday is supposed to be a holiday, but no, they don't want to do that when it's for Martin Luther King. What a low-down, dirty shame!

Shanna Responds:
What a shame, indeed - that someone so fucking ignorant is allowed to even have an opinion. If I ruled the world, people like you would have their mouths stapled shut.

Moron, hospitals and police departments never close - you think just because it's MLK day, they should shut off the life support machines and let everyone die? Why not? It's it MLK day, the nurses and doctors shouldn't have to come to work - no one in the hospital needs meds, or surgery or check-ups. Fuck 'em - let them all die, it's fucking MLK day. And you're a fucking idiot.

You know, in the real world - where normal people have to toil to earn their way - we go to work. It's pretty easy for someone who probably gets a welfare check mailed to them the first of every month to think everyone should be off work on MLK day. But, unlike you, we work for a living. Something I think even Mr. King would approve of.

I'm sorry to inform you that "National holiday" doesn't mean the country stops functioning. Some businesses have to stay open, regardless if it's Christmas, the 4th of fucking July, or the day Martin Luther King popped from his mother's loins. This is the way the real world works. Perhaps if you were a contributing member of society, you might realize that.

The only "low-down, dirty" shame here is that you they published this shit you called in.

 


 

Get Off Our Backs
Who's the fire department think they are that they can come into our neighborhood and tell us to stay away from them while they're fighting a fire? And then they talk at us like we're not even human! They need to get off our backs!

Shanna Responds:
You're right, perhaps they should let you idiots get in their way so that you possibly get hurt, or obstruct them from saving the burning house and its occupants. That makes perfect sense.

Do you people even listen to yourselves before you call this shit in? If one of you dumbasses getting in their way got hurt, you'd be sueing them before the cinders cooled. They're telling you to move for your own safety - so you don't get hurt; and theirs, so they don't get sued.

What if it was your house burning down and a bunch of neighborhood morons kept getting in the firefighters' way and they couldn't save your house? Ever think of that? Have you ever thought at all?

They're fighting a fire - and possibly trying to save lives. You expect them to stop and be courteous to you??

"Excuse me, sir, I'm trying to save this screaming little girl from this burning building. Would you mind kindly stepping out of the way so that we can get to her?"

Come on.

 


 

Time To Set An Example
I just wanted to know why the cable systems here have to offer stuff like HBO and Cinemax and Showtime when everyone knows there's nothing on there but a bunch of filth. I know what's on those channels, and all I can say is that it's a bunch of moral decay. If we want to set an example for the rest of the world, we should come forth to the cable systems and say get rid of the HBO and Cinemax and give us more religious broadcasting and country music networks. We could help turn the world around by doing that.

Shanna Responds:
Here's a bright idea, you witless prude, let the rest of the grown-ups order the movie channels from cable all they like, and you shut your meek little mouth and don't get those channels. It's all very simple.

While you may not like the "filth" that appears on the movie channels, others might. Just because it offends your delicate morals, doesn't mean you can shut it off from everyone else in the world.

And for your information, there are already an abundance of religious and country stations on the cable out there. There are more religious and country stations than there are of anything else - except maybe the QVC channels. I don't see it making any huge contributions to the community, especially not in the "smarts" department; as far as I can see, you're all a bunch of moronic, straight-laced hypocrites.

Last, but not least, taking the movie channels off the cable in a small Louisiana parish will do sqaut for helping "turn the world around". Really, you should get out more.

 


 

Outsourcing Is Good!
I don't know why people gripe so much about outsourcing and think at the same time they can go to Mexico or Canada to get their prescriptions. It's two different things, people. By outsourcing jobs, we're producing products much cheaper because now under free trade, we don't need geographical boundary lines. We are one large world market. This means sugar, rice and all other items can come from other countries and be dealt tariff free. It also means we can send plant jobs overseas. I think it's all great because as a stockholder, my stock value increases with the decrease in production costs. But by allowing people to buy medicine across the borders, they are showing that they are not for American industry at all. I support all efforts by the U.S. government to put a stop to this and jail anyone who smuggles pharmaceuticals into the states from other countries - including the elderly. We need to protect American industrites, and the people who buy stock in those industries. Besides, people, isn't it great to know that with all the jobs being outsourced, we'll have so muchy extra time to hunt and fish!

Shanna Responds:
I'm almost at a loss for words on this one. Seriously. There are so many stupid things in this that it's almost pointless to go over them all. Surely they are blatantly obvious to even the casual observer.

And, too, how can I argue with someone who rounds up his argument by pointing out that there will be "extra time to hunt and fish"? Pure genius, folks. Pure. Genius.

So what I can take away from this piece, is that anything that puts money in his pockets is a good thing. Nice.

Let's tell that to the generations of family-owned businesses that are going out of business here in Southern Louisiana because we're getting our "sugar, rice and all other items" cheaper elsewhere? It's okay, everyone - we're putting money in the stockholders pockets. Doesn't that make you feel better?

Sorry, granny and gramps - I know you can get all of your medications cheaper ordering them from Canada, and I know you'll die without those meds and you can't afford them otherwise, but you're taking money from the stockholders' pockets! You don't want to do that, now do you?

It makes me wonder why isn't it legal to hunt and kill people like this?

 


 

Ban Them and Protect Us!
I want to complain about a couple stores here in Plaquemine selling a DVD of a certain movie called “Brokeback Mountain” that played in theaters last Christmas. I think they need to do something to ban that DVD from being sold here. What’s to say the children won’t get hold of it. And it’s not like adults need to witness that kind of immoral garbage either. I know some of you complain that it’s a violation of your right to choose, but sometimes your choice is not morally correct. That’s why it’s important that someone make the decision to stop you from taking that route. So I say ban the DVD - and any other immoral trash - from being sold or rented out in this parish. I know what’s morally right, and it’s my mission to purify all of you.

Shanna Responds:
Wow! Don’t you feel better? Don’t you feel safe knowing there are people out there like this trying to “purify” you and disallow you from making “morally” incorrect choices in life? Aren’t you blessed to have someone that considers it their personal “mission” to keep you on the “morally correct” path - a path that you, you heathen, can not help but stray from? Only people this determined, pure and free of sin know what’s right and what’s best for you. Isn’t it great that they believe forcing their beliefs and moral code on others is imperative? I, for one, know I can sleep better at night now!

What’s truly terrifying, in all seriousness, is that there are people that do believe this way. Perhaps even more disturbing is that there are legions of people that believe this way; some of them happen to be running our country.

In closing, let’s remember that “Brokeback Mountain” was, essentially, a movie about love. I see absolutely nothing immoral about that.


Home | © 2001 skatoolaki.com

This page last updated on August 30, 2006

This page brought to you by our hard-working staff
of one-legged, hunchbacked, hair-lipped gnomes with psoriasis

Hotline Hilarity